Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Nov 09, 2024
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
Raven
With a stare that could dissolve me,
Like a statue of graphite fear.
In a chamber of destitution,
Silence eerie to my ears.
Inky shimmers that once swooped,
Gracefully hang so proud.
In this popular visited institution,
Apart from the swarming crowd.
Glossy eyes that seem unmoving,
Fixes its glare on those who pass.
In important graceful belonging,
And protection of this mass.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
7 months 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Raven" presents a vivid and atmospheric portrayal of the titular bird, using rich, descriptive language to create a sense of unease and mystery.
The first stanza sets the tone of the poem with its imagery of dissolution and fear. The use of the word 'grafite' instead of 'granite' could be seen as a typographical error, but if it was intentional, it might be useful to clarify the intended meaning, as 'grafite' is not a common word in English.
The second stanza introduces the setting, a 'popular visited institution'. This phrase could be made clearer to improve the reader's understanding. Is the institution a museum, a zoo, or something else?
The third stanza effectively uses the raven's 'glossy eyes' to create a sense of unease. However, the phrase 'In important graceful belonging' is somewhat unclear. The intended meaning could be made clearer with a slight rewording.
The poem's structure is consistent, with each stanza composed of four lines. However, the rhyme scheme varies, which might be intentional but could also be made more consistent for a smoother reading experience.
Overall, the poem effectively uses descriptive language and imagery to create a vivid and atmospheric depiction of a raven. However, some phrases could be clarified to improve the reader's understanding, and the rhyme scheme could be made more consistent.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Tigger Kaz
7 months 2 weeks ago
Spelling mistake lol
Instead of grafite I meant 'graphite'
Refering to the blackness of a raven, and also the dark nature it inspires. Ravens are often positioned as gothic symbols.
The line "In this popular visited institution" refers to the Tower of London, where Ravens are almost standing guard. A place of much historical significance, and an eerie place too.
Lavender
7 months 2 weeks ago
Raven
Hello, Tigger,
This is mystical, much like the feeling when watching ravens. Unfortunately, they are not as common in our area, but I love watching crows - wise, judgmental birds. I wonder if inserting Tower of London might be beneficial instead of "In this popular visited institution." Gives it just a bit more eeriness, and also places the reader directly at the scene.
Very cool poem.
Thank you,
L