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lou

Sep 05, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Re-Write of Naked, Writing with Emotion Workshop

Softly, languid eyes worship you.
Each breath taken is in synchronicity,
two halves of the same reality

We traverse this hostile world,
rapped in the safety of our devotion.
The out side cannot get in.

The essence of my existence
the crux of it all.
Your are woven into every fibre.

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: West London, GBR

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda , Jack Kerouac, Alan Ginsberg, D.H Lawrence, Jim Morrison's lyrics,

More from this author

Comments

13 years 10 months ago

divine!

Nice work in your re submission!

The essence of my existence
the crux of it all.
Your are woven into every fibre.

always, Cat

13 years 10 months ago

Cat

thank you so much.

love lou

R

13 years 10 months ago

Lou

Stanza #1: a nice way to express the emotion of Love through mingling of breaths which also indicates a kiss

Stanza #2: are you trying to say that no material elements will disturb the harmony? if so you need to take a re-look and re-work on this

Stanza #3: nicely expresses union of heart n soul...

in my opinion if you tweak up stanza # 2 it will make this fine poem finer...

13 years 10 months ago

Raj

Thanks, I will take a look

Lou

13 years 10 months ago

Chyrs

Thank you

Lou