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weirdelf
weirdelf
Dec 12, 2018 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Really

I dream of space
of peace
of kindness
I can't sleep for dreaming

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Sydney, Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: The Romantics, The Mersey Sound, The Beats and, of course, The Bard

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Comments

weirdelf

weirdelf

6 years 7 months ago

Thanks for you sensitive and understanding

though sad response, mate.
Whilst I revile faith, I believe in dreams.
Someone asked me recently "What is more important, love or purpose?"
I replied
"Replace love with kindness, which is love in action, and that provides purpose."

S

scribbler

6 years 7 months ago

Hi Jess

What would we be if we never dreamed? The can't sleep for dreaming line is spot on. Poem's a bit long though ........(just kidding)........stan

weirdelf

weirdelf

6 years 7 months ago

Yeah, I know what you mean, mate

it's hard to maintain the pace in these epic sagas.

You know I'm always happiest when I can say what I mean in as few words as possible. Maybe I'm an aphorist (sic?) rather than a poet.

Compression of meaning, that could make a good workshop, wotjareckon?

Sparrow

Sparrow

6 years 7 months ago

Jess

I like your dreaming, I would recommend Ladybirds for the Aphids.. but please at all costs avoid becoming an aphorist..
It is good to dream without sleeping, it can then be a controlled rational process.
Positive reasoning, even in dreams, builds worlds,
Yours as always, Ian

Sparrow

Sparrow

6 years 7 months ago

Jess

It should have been worlds, just this ole fart leaving letters out thanks for your noticing, I will edit ASAP Yours as always Ian ..

Geezer

Geezer

6 years 7 months ago

I've always...

thought of dreaming as an alternate reality. It's just that sleeping is a different vehicle. Nice work, got me to thinking...

~ Gee.
.

the_fool

the_fool

6 years 6 months ago

Well well well

First day back & for the first time ever I found something of yours to criticize! Unless u did this on purpose. If u did just give me at least an hour to feel smart before telling me.

"I cannot sleep for dreamin'. I cannot dream but wake and walk about the house as though I'd find u comin' through the door"
The Crucible
By Arthur Miller

It sounded so familiar. Which is especially weird because I've never read that book.
Btw, this is not some kind of "HA!!" moment for me. At the risk of me having missed something & sounding stupid I still felt it might be worth telling u.

Nullus Anxietas

Btw, I can't figure the chat room out. Maybe just nobody's been in there today

Geezer

Geezer

6 years 5 months ago

There is no...

chat at the moment, I have been assured that it will be back at some time in the future, but for now, there is no chat.

the_fool

the_fool

6 years 6 months ago

Sorry

I can't remember ever commenting anything of any substance on ur work beyond the usual "liked it. Made me feel...". This one included. I liked it. Even liked the discussion of dreams it's inspired here.
I suggested some changes on This Worn Visage that were obviously facetious, so that didn't count.
Now, I'm sure I missed something. Or i probably came off sounding like an ass. So, I'll try again:

It's a short poem that leads to a knockout of a last line. Idk if u intentionally sampled it from the Crucible or, very possibly, never heard of it. With so much content alrdy written it's inevitable that many lines, although independently original, have alrdy been done.

I'm not very good at critiques so i am going to try again & again. Practice. Everyone here is so damn talented, though. I even joked about being an advocate because I'm still a lazy novice.
Didn't mean to take ur piss. I'll always be a fan.

t_f

S

scribbler

6 years 5 months ago

Hmmmmm

Hmmmmm.........For some reason I think double spacing between each line is called for