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P
phattmatt
Dec 31, 2014 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

The Realm

Human nature is the cause
we can never ascend
but I want to go to the realm
a place much more
scary than I would like to pretend
a place where angels
and demons are in conflict
to me it would be
a weird tourist attraction
I won’t be taking photos
I would want to be
part of the action
of coarse the battle
would only be for the divine
that is why
I fight them in my mind
what if one day
it would materialize
a feat to be realized…

About This Poem

Last Few Words: ALWAYS WANTED TO TRY MY HAND TO DIFFERENT TOPICS AND THE GENERAL

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: South Africa

More from this author

Comments

Ian.T

Ian.T

10 years 5 months ago

phattmatt

Firstly welcome to Neopoet site, I hope that you can learn of us and with us.
We are mostly a workshop but have a lot of great writes that all can read.
There are quite a few poets from South Africa writing here, I spent many good years in Pretoria and Port Elizabeth, I don't know if they have changed the names of those places yet, hope you will let me know..
There are a couple of good workshops starting in the next week or so and as they are a great place to learn I hope to see you there..
A good write but is there a reason that you would want an eternal conflict.
There is a place I know of and have been taught about that is full of energy and unconditional love, there cannot be conflict there lol.
Yours, Ian.T
PS:- Try not to use capital letters as it is deemed as shouting..

wesley snow

wesley snow

10 years 5 months ago

Welcome.

I hope you find NeoPoet to be a place of exploration for you. We are a workshop environment, so the stress is on improvement in the poet.
Take a few days and read. Don't comment on the poems merely, but critique them. Tell the poet how you think the poem might be improved.
Then post something new that we can read and critique ourselves.