KINGZOMBIE

Mar 01, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

"The Reaper Who Touches"

This demon’s tongue and its hollow soul,
gravediggers that dig an empty hole.
The angel’s wing and her gentle ways,
dying people and their futile days.

A bloodied face and an impaled eye,
a lover’s spat, both will die.
A baseball bat and a caved in face,
yellow police tape now wraps this place.
A gunshot accompanied with an exploded chest,
this careless cop, wore no vest.

A hand that holds a knife of hate,
it hits its mark, yet shares ones fate.
The reaper who touches our life’s demise,
looms in the shadows, of all that dies.

How some suffer to stay alive,
but without death, none would thrive.
This darkness comes for one and all;
now break your neck, as you trip and fall.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Maryland, USA

Favorite Poets: I have many favorite poets but I like Poe the most.I would also feel wrong if I didn't include music to this also, for I find it to be of great inspiration.These are lyrics to a song by Monster Magnet called Ozium, it never fails to put me in the writing mood and thought I would share it, lol., " I'm up to my brain in the mire of an ancient swamp, Pteranadon smiles at me and flies up to god, Baby let me drink deep from your globes of reality, Writhe your naked ass to the mindless groove, baby give your tongue a taste and follow me up to my room, the bullgod has your head, and baby thats just fine, now it is time, we became the mighty cell, wrap those hungry jacks? to the mindless groove, they say we've got a lifetime, but we know that ain't true, I will not be denied, I will not be denied, baby, the faster you gyrate the faster we'll be there, arms up overhead, a goddess in the ancient song, work that mighty world to the mindless groove, they say weve got a life time but we know that ain't true, I will not be denied, I will not be denied, they say weve got a lifetime, but we know that ain't true, I will not be denied I will not be denied"

Comments

lou

14 years 4 months ago

HI

I really loved the imagery and the atmosphere you have created.

if you read my poetry, you will see that i'll lean towards the dark side, but this is gruesome lol !!!

having said said that in stanza 2, line 2, you say lovers' spat, I know that it ryhmes with bat, but spat feels like a very tame word for such an extreme poem, can't think of an alternative at the moment.

Great stuff .

Lou

KINGZOMBIE

14 years 4 months ago

Thank you

I understand what you mean by my usage of the word "spat" it is true that I used it for the rhyme, but I also used it to show how a simple lovers spat can turn horribly wrong.I do intend on reading you writing, and the fact that you tend to write dark makes me want to read it even more.Thanks again Lou, I'm glad you liked it, thank you:-)

lou

14 years 4 months ago

hi

I'll send you a pm wth one of my poems.

lou

mona

14 years 4 months ago

Fantastic, Awesome..........................................

I don't care if I will be criticized by using a lot of adjectives to describe this poem, coz its really is.
Bravo

KINGZOMBIE

14 years 4 months ago

Thanks mona

I sure hope nobody will be critical of your comment.The only thing they should be critical of is my post in my opinion.And thank you, I'm glad that you enjoyed this write.

KINGZOMBIE

14 years 4 months ago

Thank you Rosi

I used your suggestion, and your help was very much appreciated.I can't thank you enough, and I'm so happy you liked it.

KINGZOMBIE

14 years 4 months ago

Thank you

I'm glad you liked it shirley:-)

Candlewitch

14 years 4 months ago

Dear KZ,

My favorite lines are:

A hand that holds a knife of hate,
it hits its mark, yet shares ones fate.
The reaper who touches our life’s demise,
stands behind, all who dies.

Suggestion:

My tongue kind of tripped over the line with the "dumb" cop. I think another word for dumb would be better. Maybe, the brainless imprudent or reckless would work better?

All in all it is an excellent dark write!

always, Cat

KINGZOMBIE

14 years 4 months ago

Thank you Cat

I have a better word for it, let me know if this word works better? thank you:-)

scribbler

14 years 4 months ago

reaper

For some reason this reminds me of a tombstone that reads "I expected this, just not so soon". Here are some alternates which might help a bit :
L-2 gravediggers digging an empty hole
L-6 mere lovers' spat, yet both will die
L-9 a gunshot explodes unguarded chest
L-14 standing behind each who dies

take or leave at your discretion...............scribbler

KINGZOMBIE

14 years 4 months ago

thank you scribbler

I will consider your suggestions, and I think I will have that quote on my tombstone, lol.Thanks scribbler.