Reawakening

Hanging to a thread of sanity,
my heart was a broken glass,
leaking dreams of yesterday,
betrayed by fake friendship,
the noose around my neck.

I'm the shadow of my old self,
pierced by rays of harsh truth,
fading away into oblivion
along with the purpose of life
I once held.

I was falling apart,
a soul shredded,
discarded away from the memory
of the one I've lived for,
dying inside as I screamed
and wept a thousand tears.

Then I saw you,
your innocence is your radiance,
touching me,
saving me from the arms of despair.
My wounds were healed
by your presence,
You helped to make me whole again
and I felt the warmth of life,
seeping into me
like never before.

I thought it is over
when love had gone astray.
Now I know better.
It takes faith for a miracle
to come my way.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: singapore, SGP

Favorite Poets: Emily Dickinson, Robert Frost, Sarojini Naidu and friends in Neopoet.

Comments

Keith Logan

9 years 2 months ago

One man's bread

is another man's miracle. When I ran an electronics workshop the motto I had posted on the wall was "The impossible we do right away, miracles take a little longer." As to the poem, it is well written but as for the content, no I can't believe that hanging one's own confidence and self respect on the shoulders of another is ever a good idea.

alidzain

9 years 2 months ago

Hi Keith

Did I potray it that way? hmmm. This poem is about someone who was betrayed by his lover and fell into depression before someone help to recover from the experience. Totally fiction of course.lol. Any suggestions where I can improve in this poem, bro? I need help now and then as I usually write in Malay nowadays, not English.

Alid

Keith Logan

9 years 2 months ago

You made me whole again

maybe,
You helped to make me whole again
This returns the resposibility to yourself.

alidzain

9 years 2 months ago

Hi Keith

Thanks for the suggestion, man!

Alid

scribbler

9 years 2 months ago

Hi Alid

As Kieth has illustrated this can be taken at least two ways. I took it as seeing a New girlfriend after being betrayed by the old one. I thinks it's a sign of good writing when a poem can be interpreted many different ways. I also noticed you used free verse in all but the last stanza. I assume you changed to reinforce the change in thought. If you want to reinforce it even more strongly you could used an ABAB rhyme pattern there. But you might want to leave it as is if you want to be gentler in your reinforcement. Enjoyed the read..........stan