Lavender

Sep 18, 2022 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Red Pickup Truck

The red pickup flew past
the soldiering stop sign,
both of them primed
like blazing hot cherries.

One was screaming
to hit the brakes,
the other, recklessly
whooping it up,
trying to grab onto
all of life's
second chances.

In the wake of it all,
a couple of inspired crows
took flight as the
cling-clinga-
whip-whip-whipa-dip
of a spinning
hubcap came to rest
against the boot of the
yellow curb.
***

About This Poem

Last Few Words: At the intersection...

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: United States

Favorite Poets: I tend to read Ted Kooser, Jim Harrison, Billy Collins, Paul Simon, Robert Frost. I like minimalist poetry, and poems reflecting on nature and Mother Earth.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Geezer

2 years 9 months ago

Holy Smokes!...

Those Smith Boys are at it again! Look at 'em, whizzing around town in their pa's truck while he's in the pokey for making shine! I guess the revenuers didn't git it all! You should put an [ess] on the end of the stop sign[s], as you have said [each] and a couple [of] inspired crows would make a fast getaway. Love this! Perfect cap to the end of my day! ~ Geez.
.

Lavender

2 years 9 months ago

Good morning, Geezer!

I enjoyed your take on this! The "each" refers to both the truck and the sign sharing the same color, so since it's not clear, I may rework that first stanza. The "of" is noted, too! I really saw this happen earlier this past summer, and found it to be poem-worthy.
Thank you, again!
L

Geezer

2 years 9 months ago

How about?...

The red pickup flew past the
soldiering stop sign,
both of them primed
like blazing hot cherries.

BTW, I can hear that hubcap
careening across the street
and hitting the curb! Excellent!

~ Geez.
.

Lavender

2 years 9 months ago

Excellent suggestion...

...which I will gratefully use!
Thank you!
L

Geezer

2 years 9 months ago

My pleasure...

I can see it in my mind as clearly as you must have seen it that day! Nice job! ~ Geez.
.

Michael Anthony

2 years 9 months ago

L,

Hi L,

This is wonderful! I really enjoy poetry that can visually capture the briefest of moments with such excellent word usage - and sound effects too! The last stanza was my favorite - excellent piece!

Best

Lavender

2 years 9 months ago

Hello, Michael,

Thank you for reading. I always appreciate it when you drop by!
L

Jackweb

2 years 9 months ago

Wow!

Always and forever wonderful craftsmanship,embracing the ink of the line, exhaling its breath and prostrating its jasmine flowers to it.

Excellent!
.

Lavender

2 years 9 months ago

Hi, Jackweb,

Thank you for your energetic and supportive comment!
L

RoseBlack

2 years 9 months ago

Excellent write

I could see the truck speeding through the stop sign and hear the sound of the tires! Great job!

Lavender

2 years 9 months ago

Hello, RoseBlack,

Thank you for reading!
L

Ray Whitaker

2 years 9 months ago

Such a great poem,

In music, this could have fit nicely into “music concret” -a style of music composition that incorporates realism integral to the heart of the piece. Your poem has such realism, and it is certainly integral to the piem. Very nicely done!

Lavender

2 years 9 months ago

Hello, Ray!

Music concret...interesting! I had fun jotting this poem down, and Geezer helped me polish it!
Thank you very much!
L

scribbler

2 years 9 months ago

Now how

did you know my old truck is red lol

Lavender

2 years 9 months ago

Hi, Stan!

There's nothing like and old red truck.
Thank you for reading!
L