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OH
Owl Has My Soul
Sep 05, 2021 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Rejoice

Rabbit.
Knows how to leap
To grass where my muse creates.
Be my forever dance partner.
Let's play.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Canada, BC

More from this author

Comments

O

Owl Has My Soul

3 years 10 months ago

Hand of God

What's interesting is the last line "Carry me away" is an artifact from another poem that I had pasted in first. The odd amazing thing is that it still works -- okay I will change it back. The hand of God wanted to add another line...

Obadiah Grey

Obadiah Grey

3 years 10 months ago

Hiya,,,,

Hiya,,,,
Would you mind posting the "Original" ,,,, "Original" version here in the comments section? the one with rabbits in the title!
its just for comparison to see how its evolved.

Cheers, Obi.

O

Owl Has My Soul

3 years 10 months ago

I get it now! I had

I get it now! I had originally posted a poem called "Dancing With Rabbits". Then I decided to change it to a different poem about rabbits "Rejoice"

They are different poems -- I will post that one today.

A

Arrow

3 years 10 months ago

I didn't read the previous versions

There are a lot of good things here and I think the poem could lend itself to lots of forms. I think this particular version would be stronger without lines 3 & 4. To me, a rabbit knowing how to leap, in itself, suggests the creative force, so I don't need it explained to me in the next line. The fourth line, takes me away from the experience and into the author's own thoughts. When I think of rejoicing, I think of an experience that is a loss of self-consciousness so a line that places me into the author's self-consciousness doesn't fit quite right. The title is great - it adds to the meaning, not just repeating something about it.

O

Owl Has My Soul

3 years 10 months ago

Thank you! Let me chew on

Thank you! Let me chew on this... What if it was two stanzas where the second one looks at the losing of the author's self consciousness and the first one looks at the creative force?

A

Arrow

3 years 10 months ago

Entirely up to you

There is nothing wrong with the poem. I'm just sharing my perspective as additional ideas that you can use or not, to your liking. We all have our own voice.