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Nov 23, 2020
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Relationships
Relationships can be tricky,
One day you're fine,
Next you're begging them to stay,
As you sit staring at the ceiling in the darkness,
Wondering what went wrong,
You think up every possible scenario,
But none seem right,
That's the thing about relationships,
Sometimes when they come to an end,
That reason never shows,
Which keeps you up,
Keeps you thinking,
Trying to find your reason.
~m.p
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Not actively editing
Comments
m.p
4 years 10 months ago
Thank you.
Thank you so much for your comment i think you're completely right.
Gracy
4 years 10 months ago
Hi m.p., I think the first
Hi m.p., I think the first line is unnecessary. The rest of your poem is sort of uneven, needs a little tweaking, here and there. For one, you could remove some "the's".
The theme is one I think we can all relate to. Perhaps it would sound better if it were less "telly", more like sharing with your readers.
Welcome to Neopoet and do bring on more, you'll have plenty of good advice in a nice way from this family of poets.
All the best, Gracy
m.p
4 years 10 months ago
Thank you
I would like to thank you. You have helped my poem become better than before.
Dandini
4 years 10 months ago
If "relationships" don't work
If "relationships" don't work, forget it. It's the others who are probably to blame. Be promiscuous! It's more fun and no hassles. No need to get depressed.