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Apr 28, 2022
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Reminder
Remember the times we shared feelings,we had a sense of fulfilment.
Although now we have become strangers with each other's deep secrets,hidden under the carpet of sadness and nostalgia.
Remember we once shared feelings Surrounded by butterflies and songs we danced to and followed every rhythm.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Candlewitch
3 years 2 months ago
dear Iyana,
thank you for the breath of fresh air you included with this piece of prose. I liked it very much. the nostalgia is good. welcome to Neopoet, may you and your poetry find a home here! I have just one suggestion: in this line,( feelings,we) use a space between the comma and "we" and in this: (secrets,hidden) a space between the comma and (hidden) for a smoother read.
if there is any way I can help you, I will, or at least point you in the direction of someone who can.
*hugs, Cat
Geezer
3 years 2 months ago
I am...
in total agreement with Cat, who has given you great advice. Whenever you use a comma, leave space between it and the next word. Welcome to Neo. We hope that you enjoy the family atmosphere and accept the advice of our members and pass on any lessons and advice to the members that you come in contact with when they need it. Great piece, hope to see more from you. Your title is good, the internal logic is good, and it flows smoothly from beginning to end ~ Geezer.
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Ray Whitaker
3 years 2 months ago
Welcome to Neopoet!
I am looking forward to more of your writing.
This piece is very nice, speaks to loss and wistfulness.