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May 09, 2014
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Renga On Lost Wisdom
When wise men bicker
the world is turned upsidedown
as fools multiply
Ego makes no one wiser
Misplaced pride defeats purpose
Stay your words, first think
Let the wisdom rule your voice
Speak in quiet truth
Reach out to those that need words
Let them heal naturally
Co- author
Ian T
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Eastern
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
Barbara Writes
11 years 2 months ago
Great Alid
Who are the other co authors? it's only a renga if there are two or more writing to it. Adding the names at the bottom lets others know who collaboratively wrote it. When writing a renga one should first inquire of others maybe in PM before writing and posting. One will decide who'ill submit finish content.
A author,
B author,
A author,
B author,
I'm glad to see your enthusiasm.
alidzain
11 years 2 months ago
Hi Barbara
i forgot it should be created by more than one poet! sigh..i'm so excited with learning something new and forget that rule. lol.I'll try to get someone to help me out or I'll turn it into a Tanka instead.
Alid
Barbara Writes
11 years 2 months ago
Alid
that's okay, I just wanted to make sure you aware. Have fun with your renga.
raj
11 years 2 months ago
Hi Alid
I really liked this one....the only change i would suggest is swapping of the words Pride & misplaced....i think misplaced pride reads better...
Regards,
alidzain
11 years 2 months ago
Done the edit
Thanks, Raj
Ian.T
11 years 2 months ago
Alid
Thank you for the invite I have put a few words here and hope you invite more to assist you in this work:-
When wise men bicker
the world is put upside down
when fools multiply
Ego makes no one wiser
Misplaced pride defeats purpose
Stay your words, first think
Let the wisdom rule your voice
Speak in quiet truth
Reach out to those that need words
Let them heal in their own way
Yours Ian.T
Ian.T
11 years 2 months ago
Alid
Check the second line it appears that it has 8 syllables, I put an edit on my comment so that you could maybe sort it out,
Take care out there, Have you had a look at the one I wrote for you about Kali lol.."The curse of Kali (for Alid)???"
Yours Ian.T
alidzain
11 years 1 month ago
Ian
done the edit. What do you think?
Alid