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Respect
The waves were turquoise and a froth sea white
The feathered beaks knew its raging hostility
startling and squawking into the dusk night
Obeying the mistress. The slamming into
The barnicle seaweed rocks.! Was enough
to not look back to salvage their lives
Their crys trailing. The odour was salty,
pungent, It filled the salted sky the clumpy
Seaweed clinging for their lives
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
1 year 6 months ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Respect" demonstrates a strong use of vivid imagery and sensory language, which effectively transports the reader to the seaside setting. The description of the waves, the birds, and the seaweed all contribute to a rich, immersive environment.
However, there are areas where the poem could benefit from further refinement. Firstly, the punctuation throughout the poem is inconsistent and at times, confusing. For example, the period after "The slamming into" disrupts the flow of the sentence. It would be beneficial to review the punctuation to ensure it aids in the readability and rhythm of the poem.
Secondly, the use of the word "their" in the lines "to not look back to salvage their lives" and "Seaweed clinging for their lives" is ambiguous. It is unclear whether "their" refers to the birds or the seaweed, and this ambiguity might distract the reader from the intended meaning or emotion of the poem.
Finally, the title "Respect" doesn't seem to directly connect with the content of the poem. It may be worth considering how the theme of respect is conveyed in the poem and whether a different title might better encapsulate the poem's essence.
Overall, the poem demonstrates a strong command of descriptive language, but could be improved with clearer punctuation, less ambiguous pronoun usage, and a more fitting title.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Jokerface82
1 year 7 months ago
Ffs
Ffs
RoseBlack
1 year 7 months ago
I love this response
Will respond separately
RoseBlack
1 year 6 months ago
I really like this
Your writing and structure is definitely getting better. I love the dominance and mystery conveyed in your poem. I envision ravens being commanded by a dark oceanic goddess while in reality perhaps it is a seafaring traveler at the mercy of the water. Well done.
Jokerface82
1 year 6 months ago
Yeah thank you
I've just taken much more notice and I'm trying to be a not so lazy writer. I'm glad to you can feel this I try to use all the five senses visuals etc to really feel like you're there in a pov way
RoseBlack
1 year 6 months ago
You are doing great
I really enjoy your poems and watching your progress as a writer.
Leslie
1 year 6 months ago
Jokerface82
Once again all I can say is W.O.W.
Jokerface82
1 year 6 months ago
Thank you
I think their are technical issues with this site though ?
RoseBlack
1 year 6 months ago
I think so
Not sure if it has been resolved
Jokerface82
1 year 6 months ago
.
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Jokerface82
1 year 6 months ago
On my side I can't post anything or edit anything
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