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B
BrazKiwi
Nov 07, 2020 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
This poem is part of the contest:

Enter and Exit As You Please

(Read More...)

Respect for the Men in Green

Of all the potential possibilities,
The man is a man of democracy.
A believer of fundamental freedoms and liberties.

One who, in the face of tyranny,
Does what is necessary to claim victory.

He sacrifices his limbs and his innocent mentality,
And for what?
So civilized beneficiaries can claim their rewards are spoiled fruits of insidious mysteries?

These treasonous traitors are the only things spoiling our glorious democracy.
They spit in the face of our men in green,
Men, who sacrifice their spirit, soul, and body; so that we may live in serenity.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Auckland, New Zealand

More from this author

Comments

Geezer

Geezer

4 years 7 months ago

I'm wondering...

about your line: "So civilized beneficiaries can claim their rewards
are spoiled fruits of insidious mysteries?"
I think that you may have wanted an [and] instead of [are]?
Certainly a political work if I've ever seen one!

As I am not familiar with the political scene in New Zealand,
I can only guess at what mysteries you speak of. Your title is okay
and drew me in, but I'm not sure of who they are. I assume the military?
Your language use is good and the theme is not unfamiliar.
I think your logic is reflected in the over-all evaluation. ~ Geezer.
.

Lavender

Lavender

4 years 7 months ago

Respect For The Men in Green

Hello, BrazKiwi,
I sense the deep gut here, and for the most part, i understand your meaning. But I am confused by what, for me, seems to be a very important line: what are the "spoiled fruits of insidious mysteries" - I gotta know.
Thank you so much!
Lavender