Race_9togo

Oct 31, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Response To Hate

I find the moments of my life
invariably filled with strife
are caused by those who are hell-bent
on making others malcontent.

They lay their futile helpless rage
on those they think they can enrage,
and thus drain all of their own ire
by fueling others' angry fire.

Once I would have let them do this,
make me so intensely furious
that I would inevitably snap,
and make them eat their own damn crap,

but I'm a little different now,
for I have finally learned how
to burn them in their own rancidity
by laughing at their rank stupidity,

because I've found when I use laughter
their hate and rage only grow greater
until their fury, like burning trash,
consumes them, leaving just the ash

of foolish and pathetic hate
that crumbles underneath the weight
of my amusement at the anger
they tried to pour into a stranger

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Earth Vicinity (within a five light-year radius), ZZC

Favorite Poets: John Donne, T.S. Eliot, Serendipity, Emily Dickenson, Kailashana, Charles Bukowski, Kabir, Rett, Dalton, W. B. Yeats, William Blake, Rainer Maria Rilke, and many other Neopoet poets; Neopoet has heavily influenced my poetry and my ability to write it well.

Comments

Race_9togo

13 years 8 months ago

Hi Rosi,

Yeah, trash.
The meaning's not quite the same, but the rhyme sure is better. It makes the rhyming more consistent, and the flow better.
Changed it.
Thanks Rosi!

P.S. I just realized...this is only the SECOND time I've ever used the word "like" in a poem!
LOL

Barbara Writes

13 years 8 months ago

Brilliant rhyming

Is all I can say about this wonder write. No suggestion as this flowed beautifully I noticed all the rhymes Jess had as exercises in his rhyme workshop worked well here

Race_9togo

13 years 8 months ago

Thanks Barbara,

Yes, this is the result of attending Jess' workshop, which made me think hard about how I put rhymes together.
Glad you like it.

weirdelf

13 years 8 months ago

beautifully crafted

and cool content. No critique.

Race_9togo

13 years 8 months ago

Thanks you Jess,

and for the workshop, which I think has done a lot to improve my rhyming ability!

Candlewitch

13 years 8 months ago

Dear Jim,

Great rhyming and content! I really liked:

of foolish and pathetic hate
that crumbles underneath the weight
of my amusement at the anger
they tried to pour into a stranger

Always, Cat

Race_9togo

13 years 8 months ago

Hi Cat

I think you can see the influence of the workshop in this. It certainly flows better than my usuaql efforts at rhyme, of which I am always critical! heehee.
Glad you liked this one.

loved

13 years 8 months ago

i dare not

critique...
but say

DAMN GOOD

A lovely rhyming poetry
I have read today

Race_9togo

13 years 8 months ago

LOL

You can critique any time you like, Loved, I would value it.
Glad that you think so much of this, though!
Thanks much!

Roscoe Lane

13 years 8 months ago

To burn,

To burn them in their own rancidity, by laughing at their rank stupidity. Great wording and rhyme as with the rest of the poem. Brilliant. Regards Roscoe...

Race_9togo

13 years 8 months ago

Thanks Roscoe,

its good to see you again. But, blame Jess for this effort - his workshop inspired me!
:)

Barbara Writes

13 years 8 months ago

I reread and it's still great as before

I do have one question about these lines.

They lay their futile helpless rage
on those they think they can enrage,
and thus drain all of their own( ire)
by fueling others' angry (fire.)

Does it rhymes with fire or furious below.
Once I would have let them do this,
make me so intensely furious
that I would inevitably snap,
and make them eat their own damn crap,

I'm sure it's the way I'm reading it that makes me stop at (fire) every time I read it sending me back to (ire)
Just this spot is where I stumble. once I past it read again in perfect flow from top to bottom.