Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
May 01, 2025
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
Responsibility
He was responsible
for pinning men
to the wrestling mat.
He was responsible
for fathering two girls
into two lovely women.
He was responsible
for writing several
award-winning articles.
He was responsible
for teaching me that
true love is real.
He was responsible
For saying the words
That broke my heart.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
1 month 3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (Premium) - version 3.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
Consider exploring the poem's progression of responsibility more deeply. Currently, each stanza begins similarly, which establishes a clear pattern, but the emotional shift in the final stanza might benefit from additional context or imagery to heighten its impact. The transition from positive responsibilities to the final negative consequence could be made more nuanced by providing subtle hints or foreshadowing earlier in the poem. Additionally, consider varying sentence structure or word choice slightly to maintain reader engagement and emphasize the emotional weight of the final stanza.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
1 month 3 weeks ago
I like this...
the way that it is. I understand the abruptness, the "out of the blue" words that could smash your heart into little, tiny pieces.
I heard those words once. I didn't understand; "How could this happen?" I felt the pride that you felt in his raising of two girls that are gems, the pride of knowing that he was intelligent and made a difference in the world. I'm wondering about those words... Was he sick? This made me think. ~ Geez.
.
Punkyfrewster
1 month 3 weeks ago
Geezer,
Thank you for your comment and for taking the time to read my poem!