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Oct 18, 2024
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The Reunion
If I ever was to see you again,
It would be on a warm summer's day ,
The birds would be singing ,
The flowers blooming .
If I was to see you again ,
The sky would be an endless blue,
As my heart skips a beat for you.
On that sweet day ,
I'll sink into your arms ,
I'll hold you tight and won't let go .
On that very day ,
I would hold your hand ,
As you tell me how proud you are .
I'll apologize for the harsh words I'd said ,
And make up for those I didn't .
I'd mend your heart and pray for your smile once again .
If I ever see you again ,
It would be the day I close my eyes ,
Run into an endless slumber
With you by my side ,
It would surely be ,
One sweet daydream.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
8 months 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem, "The Reunion," effectively uses imagery and emotive language to convey a sense of longing and regret. However, there are areas where the poem could be improved.
1. Consistency: The poem seems to fluctuate between past and future tense. For instance, the line "If I ever was to see you again" suggests a past tense, while "If I was to see you again" indicates a future possibility. This inconsistency can be confusing for the reader. It's recommended to maintain a consistent tense throughout the poem for clarity.
2. Rhyme and rhythm: The poem lacks a consistent rhyme scheme and rhythm. While free verse is a valid form of poetry, the inconsistent rhythm can make the poem feel disjointed. If the intention was to create a free verse poem, consider focusing on maintaining a consistent rhythm to enhance the flow of the poem.
3. Imagery: The poem uses vivid imagery such as "The sky would be an endless blue" and "I'll sink into your arms". However, the poem could benefit from more unique and specific imagery to further engage the reader and enhance the emotional impact.
4. Show, don't tell: The poem tells the reader about the speaker's feelings, for example, "As my heart skips a beat for you." Instead, consider showing these emotions through actions, reactions, or the environment to create a more immersive experience for the reader.
5. Clarity: The line "I'd mend your heart and pray for your smile once again" is somewhat ambiguous. It's unclear who has been hurt and why the speaker is apologizing. Providing more context or specifics could help the reader better understand the relationship and emotions being explored.
Overall, the poem has potential but could benefit from more attention to consistency, rhythm, imagery, showing versus telling, and clarity.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Rula
8 months 2 weeks ago
Hello Nyts tar
A warm welcome to Neopoet.
I like the raw feelings in this.
Your words shine with love.
Looking forward to reading more of your works.
Best wishes.