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The Reward of Rancor (TITLE WS final edit)
Lying on my bed,
the silence
is too loud,
ringing
in my head
Anger fades
out of sight
but in my heart
a stubborn pride
resides
Rising restlessness
my mind aches
from solace denied
by the sting of
malice
My soul is
a cracked mirror,
a distorted
self reflection
of self-loathing ,
blooming in colour
The lost truce invites the rule
of despair
when harmony and tranquility
die side by side
giving birth to
this unbearable
silence.....
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
scribbler
10 years 1 month ago
Hi Alid
An obvious title could be "Why Sleep Eludes"........stan
alidzain
10 years 1 month ago
Hmm
Now that's a very different one from the original title, the one which you gave.. lol. Interesting.
Alid
scribbler
10 years 1 month ago
You are beginning to see
that there can be many more than one "right" title. But there can also be a lot of wrong ones too. The purpose of this shop is to merely get folks to put at least a modicum of thought into what they title their works.......stan
Rula
10 years 1 month ago
"Pain At Its Best"
Or
"Fighting Pain"
So difficult to suggest a title for someone else.
scribbler
10 years 1 month ago
yes it is
Reckon that's because it's not always possible to discern exactly what a writer is trying to convey and a good title gives at least a hint of that........stan
alidzain
10 years 1 month ago
Salam, Rula
It's close.
Alid
Rula
10 years 1 month ago
I have another one for you
"Fighting the Beast"
weirdelf
10 years 1 month ago
I'm not in this workshop but I suggest
"A Stubborn Pride Resides"
alidzain
10 years 1 month ago
Thank you,Jess
we'll see how this goes. Still haven't decide yet.
Alid
wesley snow
10 years 1 month ago
I heard in my head...
Heart Attack.
judyanne
10 years 1 month ago
perhaps
the reward of rancor ??
the after-taste of bitterness ??
love judy
xxx
wesley snow
10 years 1 month ago
Good ones.
I vote for Judyanne.
alidzain
10 years 1 month ago
Thanks, everyone
for the suggestions.
Alid
Rula
10 years 1 month ago
I like the title
though not sure how it fits. The word rancor is new for me.
Thank you. I thought it is always good to learn new diction.
scribbler
10 years 1 month ago
Very good
I puts the reader on the path you chose. In fact, hatred usually Does harm the hater more than the hated.........stan