rewind

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This poem explores intense emotional pain and longing for a return to innocence, using direct and confessional language. The repetition of “I hate…” in the opening stanzas establishes a tone of self-loathing and frustration, creating a sense of emotional claustrophobia. The poem’s structure is mostly free verse, with line breaks that often mirror the speaker’s fragmented thoughts.

The poem’s strongest element is its raw honesty. The speaker’s ambivalence toward familial love (“I hate that they love me / I wish they would stop”) and the juxtaposition of past happiness with present suffering are rendered in clear, accessible language. However, the poem sometimes relies on familiar expressions of pain (“People are cruel / They hurt / They lie / They cut like a knife”), which can risk cliché and diminish the impact of the more specific, personal moments.

Imagery is present but could be developed further. The metaphor of being “a dead rose with thorns so tight” is evocative, but the subsequent line (“I push people far out of sigh”) appears to be a typographical error (“sight” may be intended), which disrupts the image. The references to scars and haunted sleep are concrete, but the poem could benefit from more original or sensory details to distinguish the speaker’s experience from generalized expressions of distress.

The poem’s emotional arc moves from anger and self-hatred to a yearning for escape and a plea for relief. The closing lines, invoking God, suggest a desire for erasure rather than resolution, which is consistent with the poem’s tone but leaves the reader in a place of unresolved anguish. Consider whether the poem might benefit from a moment of reflection or ambiguity that complicates the speaker’s desire to “fade,” or from imagery that suggests the possibility of change, even if it is not realized.

Attention to lineation and rhythm could also strengthen the poem. Some lines are prosaic or uneven, which may be intentional to reflect the speaker’s turmoil, but varying the line lengths more deliberately could enhance the poem’s emotional pacing.

Overall, the poem’s directness is effective, but further development of imagery, attention to language, and exploration of complexity in the speaker’s emotions could deepen its impact.

Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact

disagree with the A.I. I'm not sure that any of the suggestions would make much of a difference. I do think that the turmoil might be somewhat calmed with a look at your thoughts on what you have written; looking objectively, you might ask a few questions of your father, like what has changed him? That could add a level to the poem that would make it more effective. ~ Geezer.

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