Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Rhythm Band

stoic sticks click (rest) clack
wild tambourines throw a festive party
while those prim and proper triangles
those dangling works of art
hold their noses high
shoulders at a rest
waiting for the hush
the silence of the rhythm band, and then
with almost no effort at all, they declare

ping!

the song is over
***

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: United States

Favorite Poets: I tend to read Ted Kooser, Jim Harrison, Billy Collins, Paul Simon, Robert Frost. I like minimalist poetry, and poems reflecting on nature and Mother Earth.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

More from this author

Comments

Rula

Rula

2 years 7 months ago

Dear Lavender

Well descriptive piece. Though I'm not sure what inspired this, it seems like a concert of kind was attended and I got the feeling that it was enjoyable for everyone, and me too as I read.
Always pleases me to read your words dear.

Lavender

Lavender

2 years 7 months ago

Hello, Rula,

You are so kind. My first error with this poem was to assume that the reader knew what a rhythm band was, and could relate to some similar experience in their own childhood. I was in first or second grade -six or seven years old, and we performed a concert for our parents. It was a massive struggle getting through it, and that memory brought about this poem. It needs some work! I always appreciate your help in reading and commenting!
Thank you!
L

Rula

Rula

2 years 7 months ago

Hello Lavender

It might be only me as different cultures have different experiences, but it wasn't very difficult to guess that it is a musical party.
Thank you for the clarification anyways

Lavender

Lavender

2 years 7 months ago

Hello, Alan,

This one needs to be rescued, and I appreciate your generous suggestions. I'll pull it in and trim off the extra weight. Thank you for your time and help here! I'm very grateful!
L
Ping! :)

lovedly

lovedly

2 years 7 months ago

I too recall my school kids band

when the music flopped
Miss Lady Frown
hit me with her ruler
for no fault of mine
I was not yet nine..
Now while resting in the dungeons of
no poetry
just lemme
enjoy your

ping
ding dong ding!
then hear me sing

Lavender

Lavender

2 years 7 months ago

Hello, Lovedly,

I'm glad you could relate to this poem, but so sorry for the negative memory that surfaced!
Take care!
Lav

lovedly

lovedly

2 years 7 months ago

to enjoy rain

nature provided the sun.....
life is a conglomeration of sadness
intermingled with happiness

more sun than rain
else twill be a pain

Rula

Rula

2 years 7 months ago

Love this version

much better dear Lavender. It's compacted and right to the point without losing the details.
I thought the last line would read smoother as :
[now] the song is over.
But that obviously so minor thing . It's great as is
Nice memory.

Lavender

Lavender

2 years 7 months ago

Hello, Rula!

Wonderful suggestion which I am grateful to use! Thank you for your help!
L

Rula

Rula

2 years 7 months ago

You are

the most welcome my dear wonderful friend.