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Oct 18, 2011
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RISING FROM A FALL
On slippery ground
I fell flat
Into muddy water
Soaked and drained
A cold wind blew
I shivered
Goose pimples
Covered my skin
Waking from slumber
The irony hit me, instead
It was a bush fire flickering
Fiery, flaming high
My clothes, untouched
The heat burnt my flesh
Eating deep into my mind
Looking down and up
I see people recoiling
From the ghost I become
Charred skeleton
Attracting detached pity
As well as condemnation
A judgment for the guilty
Deserving punitive penalty
Mock and laugh, if you may
My lessons are not yours
I needed to learn these things
A descent into the pit of hell
Where the elements play
In a chalice turned crucible
Crushing by pounding
To make me new again
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
scribbler
13 years 7 months ago
hello
good images and pretty good content. Maybe fiery fire is a bit redundant though...............stan
t. reflexion
13 years 7 months ago
Thank you…
Comments noted and taken, best wishes
tr