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Nov 20, 2024
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Road to Grandma’s
Our family readies for a blanket adventure
Scarves, coats, and the dog wiggling his tail,
A little drizzle will not frazzle our mood,
This trek has become our road trip ritual.
The only time when mom lets her lists go,
Cuts the malarky and abandons the rules.
Forgets the bills and the rent that’s due,
Turns up her favorite jazz tunes, and we roll.
To get to grandma’s house, we zig zag,
Through a retreat park up a mountain ridge.
Each twist and turn, we fill in with laughter,
As roaring motorcycles pass & trucks clamor,
a bit skittish.
It’s breathtaking as the treetops kiss the sky,
As a canopy of gold velvet cushions our way,
A patchwork of leaves unfurl to welcome us.
Winding and enchanting, ushering in a harvest.
All so happy to be wrapped in a quilt of love,
Grandma’s hugs provide warmth to our souls.
Her home surrounded by old chestnut trees
Nothing irks us here and nothing ever will.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
7 months 1 week ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Road to Grandma's" successfully employs vivid imagery and sensory details to depict a family's journey to their grandmother's house. However, the narrative could benefit from a more consistent rhythm and meter to enhance the reading experience.
The first two stanzas have a clear ABAB rhyme scheme, which is disrupted in the third and fourth stanzas. Consistency in the rhyme scheme could improve the flow of the poem and make it more engaging for the reader.
The poem's use of descriptive language is effective in painting a picture of the journey. Phrases such as "a canopy of gold velvet cushions our way" and "wrapped in a quilt of love" create a warm, comforting atmosphere. However, the phrase "a bit skittish" seems out of place, as it does not fit the overall tone of the poem.
The poem could also benefit from more varied sentence structure. Many lines begin with "It's" or "As," which can become repetitive. Experimenting with different sentence structures could make the poem more dynamic and engaging.
Lastly, the poem could delve deeper into the characters and their relationships. While the poem does a good job of describing the journey and the setting, it could provide more insight into the family dynamics and the characters' emotions to create a more engaging and relatable narrative.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Rula
7 months 1 week ago
Tawny
A very apt writing as usual. I'm a bit envious that you've such a memorable journeys. I remember just one visit to grandma's, but then she came to stay with us as she became too old to be alone.
I like every bit about this journey.
Best wishes!
Thank you for sharing!
P.S.I think you wanted malarkey.
Geezer
7 months 1 week ago
In my...
younger years, we did go to grandma's house for Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner; however, it was not to the country, but down to the city. She lived with my Great Aunt [her sister], in an apartment on Main Street. Together, they made the holiday meals and had the big family dinner. I remember those days, and you have brought them back with this nice piece. I thought the "bit skittish" line had to do with negotiating the roads and trails around the motorcycles; and logging trucks to be gone around and feeling less than confident. ~ Geezer.
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