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RoseBlack
RoseBlack
Jul 11, 2022 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
This poem is part of the contest:

Neopoem Of The Week 7/10/22 through 7/16/22 🏆 Winner

(Read More...)

RoseBlack

Sable wisps of clouds
Draped across a full moon sky
Shallow breaths echo
Against the silence of the trees

Her ebony boots crunched down
On the earth below
Not much further
Until….

Did you think you could escape me
You useless little witch
I bid you do my cooking, my cleaning
Satisfy me in bed without a hitch

She shook her raven head with recalcitrant fervor
I’m sorry, Wolf
I think you have me confused
With my sister Red

The wolf stood stunned
As she drew her sword
His lip curled in a snarl
How dare you defy your Master

He let out a howl
One that would be his last
As she pushed the sword
Deep into his chest

Cleaning her blade,
She grinned with a mischievous twitch
Foolish wolf, I was never your bitch
In case you were wondering…

My name is RoseBlack

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: United States

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe, Jim Morrison

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

More from this author

Comments

C

c lynn brooks

2 years 11 months ago

Hi

Love that twist at the end how about recalcitrant fervor, might make that sound more finished,just a suggestion

RoseBlack

RoseBlack

2 years 11 months ago

Hi

Thank you for your input. I do like the sound of that. Thank yoyou for the suggestion.

Geezer

Geezer

2 years 11 months ago

No more...

the slave! I like the fact that in all of the poem; you never use the word [black], only sable, ebony and raven. Giving the three variations of black that conjure up visions of different animals that are black. Nice job on the twisted ending. Wouldn't change a thing. ~ Geez.
.

RoseBlack

RoseBlack

2 years 11 months ago

Thanks Gee

This color challenge has been fun thus far. I didn't realize how many different words there are for each color and how each one gives a different feeling. Thank you for your praise.

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

2 years 11 months ago

dear Rose Black,

your language usage is excellent, you have combined in a way such as to entrance the reader. this is the kind of energy that stirs the blood! i think you should enter it in poet of the week! it is that good.
I was holding my breath during your escape, if felt my heart thud, when he caught up to you! but you stood with confidence and put him away:

Cleaning her blade,
She grinned with a mischievous twitch
Foolish wolf, I was never your bitch
In case you were wondering…

My name is RoseBlack
and I love this affirmation!

*hugs, Cat

RoseBlack

RoseBlack

2 years 11 months ago

Thank you

Perhaps I will enter it this week. Thank you for your insight as always. I am glad you enjoyed it. I have been having a bit of fun with words and it seems to be working.

Jackweb

Jackweb

2 years 11 months ago

This look like ..

As if I was reading Candlewitch poetry!. Sometimes Cat writes this type of poetry.

This sounds like a confrontational poetry!
Its an unsettling feeling to be the only one to think of something. Especially if you're surrounded by people who were minding thier own business until you had to think outloud. Now, one by one, they all start staring. Sencing something foreign. Not a single one them knows exactly how they feel about what you think.

And the one and only difference between people is that there will always be those people who never think about anything thing at all. Their entire lifetimes the thing that matters is how they feel. That’s where the crack in the world opens up.

Excellent piece!

RoseBlack

RoseBlack

2 years 11 months ago

Thank you Jack

I think you are spot on in your analysis of people as a whole. There are always those who only see their own needs as what matters and they surely do cause cracks not only In those closest to them but in society.

Rosewood Apothecary

Rosewood Apothecary

2 years 11 months ago

I think

This is my favorite work you’ve posted. Without question. I’m Irish Viking heritage. Wolf, Full moon, ravens. Sound like my pagan pantheon.

Superb.
Tim

RoseBlack

RoseBlack

2 years 11 months ago

Tim

I am also Viking heritage...I am all about wolves and ravens and pagan culture. Most of my ethnicity is Viking. there will be more to come.

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

2 years 11 months ago

dear RoseBlack

see...I told you that you could do it! congratulations and salutations!

*hugs, Cat

RoseBlack

RoseBlack

2 years 11 months ago

Thank you

It is really nice to be a part of such a fine group of writers.

Rosewood Apothecary

Rosewood Apothecary

2 years 11 months ago

Congratulations

This was a super fun one. I wanted to share this with my sister if that’s ok. She likes the darker side. Excellent job.

Tim

RoseBlack

RoseBlack

2 years 11 months ago

Share Away

I am honored you would like to share this with your sister. Please feel free to check out some of my other darker works

lovedly

lovedly

2 years 11 months ago

I once composed a poem

BLACK IS A COLOR
then I was BLANK

sable raven and ebony
are added
by Gee

Congrats for ur win

lovedly

lovedly

2 years 11 months ago

yeah

of course good is good
BLACK=WHITE
in poetic sight

Alex Tanner

Alex Tanner

1 year 6 months ago

Getting bolder

Rose, getting bolder, I like it. My only suggestions with this is that you could lose several words to tighten it, make the menace more, not sure of the word I'm looking for, Direct? no. I preferred your last work, the menace flowed there. Alex

RoseBlack

RoseBlack

1 year 6 months ago

Thank you Alex

This is an older one. I appreciate your feedback and will give this another look.

Leslie

Leslie

1 year 6 months ago

Very dark!

This really held my attention. Great use
of vocabulary and congratulations on your
win!

RoseBlack

RoseBlack

1 year 6 months ago

Thanks John

Glad this got your attention. Thank you for the read and comments.