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Apr 15, 2015
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Rough Sketch
Line. Shade. Smudge.
Temptation of reliving pain
Poisons the unknown.
An undiscovered road,
Lead infused,
Drafts vivid memories,
Sinking between old and new.
New ideals
Attempt to compensate wounds.
Yet, internal wickedness
Contaminates growth.
Encapsulated emotions
Blur reality,
Distorting what’s to come.
With patterns redrawn
From sunrise to sunset,
Convergence remains,
And release from the past unmet.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Sparrow
10 years 3 months ago
Layune
Welcome back, reading this I feel that you have so much emotion to give yet are too abrupt in your lines, I will take a couple of them and let the roughness go..
Line. Shade. Smudge.
Lines flow, shades softening the edges, where they smudge in endless portraits.
New journey's taken on roads anew..
An undiscovered road.
Though Esker writes near this way but I think it leaves the reader a lot of work to understand the work, and most readers are lazy, and loved to be lulled into another world.
Good that you have returned , and I hope your replies will give us an insight to the imagination you have.
Yours Ian.T