Running down a dream!

Racing down suburban streets!
Out to have some fun.
With burning hearts and eyes on fire.
Soon our little escapades,
would madly come undone.
Still boys were boys
and we just seemed
to always make our fun.
For years our play rolled on and on.
Into each setting sun,
our hearts still yearn to journey back
and make another mischeivious run.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Ogden, Utah, USA

Favorite Poets: Jon Anderson, Jon Ondrasik, Donald Fagen, Sting, Eric Bloom , and all of the poets at neo.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

neopoet

1 year 8 months ago

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Running down a dream!" effectively uses imagery and rhythm to convey a sense of nostalgia and youthful energy. The use of action verbs such as "racing", "burning", and "running" adds dynamism to the poem and helps to create a vivid picture of the boys' activities.

However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent use of meter to enhance its rhythmic quality. For example, the line "Soon our little capers" disrupts the rhythm established in the previous lines. A revision might consider maintaining a consistent number of syllables per line.

The poem also uses a somewhat clichéd phrase, "boys were boys". While this phrase does convey a sense of youthful mischief, it might be more effective to find a more original way to express this idea.

The poem's theme of nostalgia is effectively conveyed through the repeated use of the word "still" and the phrase "our hearts still yearn to journey back". This repetition underscores the longing for the past that is a central theme of the poem.

The ending of the poem is somewhat ambiguous. The phrase "make another crazy run" could be interpreted in a number of ways, and it might be helpful to provide more context or explanation to clarify the meaning.

Overall, the poem effectively uses imagery and action verbs to create a vivid picture of youthful energy and nostalgia. With some revisions to improve the rhythm and clarify the ending, it could be even more effective.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact