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Tigger Kaz
Tigger Kaz
Oct 23, 2023 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Said the Moth to the Bird

Have you heard the latest word,
Said the Moth to the Bird.
A term that shows their weakest link,
Shows their inability to think.

Why can these humans not live together?
Asked the Bird pecking at some heather.
Why do people always kill each other?
Aren’t they each an earthly brother?

And the Bird pondered at this word,
In the description he had heard.
Is it HATE by any chance?
Bird piped up with a knowing glance.

Then both bird and moth felt very sad,
At thoughtless humans who are so bad.
And whilst taking the time to sit and cry,
They made a pact to share the sky.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Coventry, England, GBR

Favorite Poets: Michael Rosen , Rudyard Kipling , Pam Ayres , Benjamin Zephaniah

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Comments

Ruby Lord

Ruby Lord

1 year 8 months ago

I enjoyed your poem, the

I enjoyed your poem, the ideas within it are very current.
Perhaps you could tighten up on some of the repitition and use alternatives to improve on the themes and messages? Using an online thesaurus may help?
I use Wordhippo for my thesaurus, it's a great internet source.
It's a good poem and as it is still at the draft stage, I believe you can make it even better with a few tweaks. Ruby :)

Ruby Lord

Ruby Lord

1 year 8 months ago

Word is repeated twice in the

Word is repeated twice in the first stanza and again in the 3rd stanza and you've used they quite often in the poem. Hope this helps, Ruby :)

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

1 year 8 months ago

hello Tiger Kaz!!!

so very nice to see you posting your poetry again! we have missed you around here! these are all valid questions that you ask. if you ever should find the answers you seek, please let me know...

*hugs & love, Cat