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Tam the Chanter
Tam the Chanter
Mar 08, 2013 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
This poem is part of the workshop:

Storytelling in Verse (sempiternal)

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THE SASKWATCH

THE SASKWATCH

Now if you sit quietly, and don't make a fuss,
I'll tell you a story, for no one but us.
About a strange creature, who came from the woods,
A creature who'd wreck our good lives if he could

For I was quite young then, and ran with the pack.
We were all timber wolves and we'd HOWL and we'd BARK
And how the men feared us, for we were so strong.
We hunted the deer, (and some men - was that wrong?)

Then came the dread morning things went bad to worse
As we raced through the woods in pursuit of a horse
That belonged to a trapper who killed mink for furs
But no one could ever have guessed what occurred....

The horse was exhausted and stumbled then fell.
Our pack gathered round it, fresh meat would taste well
But tails all stopped wagging as ears heard a roar
And there stood a monster to even the score

It looked like a man, but was twice a man's size.
Though all covered in hair , I could see two red eyes.
Long, sharp nails on its hands; on feet, animal claws,
Then he showed us his yellow fangs, with massive jaws.

Our pack were no cowards and fought for their meat.
But the Saskwatch was powerful and quick on his feet.
His claws and his teeth made the trees drip with blood
Soon I was left lying, half dead in the mud.

The Saskwatch attacked, but before he could bite.
The sound of a shot put the creature to flight.
A hunter had saved me, I crawled to the path.
Then followed him home, where he gave me a bath!

I've lived here since then, but no Saskwatch I've seen
And sometimes I think it was all a bad dream.
I'm fond of your mother, that Alsation cross,
So I don't go out hunting, for she is the Boss!

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: GBR

More from this author

Comments

S

scribbler

12 years 3 months ago

Hi Roscoe

I have no idea what "sempitemal" means so if my suggestions don't work within it just ignore them. I liked the tale of bigfoot from a wolf's perspective. There are a few places that seemed a bit off to me. Might well be the way I read them but here are some alternatives :
S-1,l-4 try A creature who'd ruin our lives if he could
S- I yhink the misrhyme in this stanza actually Helped the poem overall
S-3, l-1 Try replacing went with changed
.......l-3 drop "s" from furs
.......l- try none could predict what came to occur
S-4, l-1 change and to he
S-5,l-3 delete its
......l-4 try then he showed yellow fangs within massive jaws
S-6, l-2 change powerful to strong
last stanza line 2 needs to change for rhyme but I have no suggestion
Hope some of this is of use...............stan

Tam the Chanter

Tam the Chanter

12 years 3 months ago

Saskwatch

Many thanks for the suggestions, I've read them all into the poem. I think it is more my Scots' accent which causes the problem. Your suggestions are very welcome and every one is of great use in my usual quest to try to polish a turd.
Ian

S

scribbler

12 years 3 months ago

Hey now

I never meant to imply that this poem is a turd lol. Indeed , I seldom give this many suggestions on a poem I don't already like....................stan

Ian.T

Ian.T

12 years 3 months ago

Tam

Loved the story and the action I will go along with Stan as he knows more about form than me, but the theme was great..
The following is about the word:-
SEMPITERNAL
Dictionary entry overview: What does sempiternal mean?
• SEMPITERNAL (adjective)
The adjective SEMPITERNAL has 1 sense:
1. having no known beginning and presumably no end
Familiarity information: SEMPITERNAL used as an adjective is very rare.
Dictionary entry details

• SEMPITERNAL (adjective)

Synonyms:
dateless; sempiternal; endless
Context examples:
the dateless rise and fall of the tides / time is endless / sempiternal truth
Similar:
infinite (having no limits or boundaries in time or space or extent or magnitude)

Have a great day where ever you are, Yours Ian.T

Tam the Chanter

Tam the Chanter

12 years 3 months ago

C A P I T A L S

HOWL and BARK, I confess, were not grammatically correct. I put those two words in capitals to try to emphasise the vlume of sound the wolf pack would actually be making at that point in the tale. My thanks to you for taking the time to read, and hopefully enjoy, the story

Ian

wesley snow

wesley snow

12 years 3 months ago

First of all thank you Ian...

... that was a welcome service for anyone joining later. Would you be so kind as to copy it over on the syllabus? I always suggest everyone joining should read the discussions in this and the old workshop to get an idea of what we want to do around here. Your explanation falls right in that category. Thanks again.

Tam!
What a kick!
Since Stan did a good assessment of the poetry, I'll only speak from the storyteller's point of view.
I think I may opt to use it as example number one for consistent and clear use of the four story components, exposition, complication, climax and resolution.
If they ever get around to creating the NeoPoet Library as Beau sometimes suggests, I will offer it up as a superb and concise, easily perceived example.
That's all I have to say.