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lovedly
lovedly
Jul 24, 2020 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Saturday Night Ah No Fever

Currents in my inner skin
sting like sharply pointed
ninety nine pins

week end is going to be dry
Saturday and Sundays
everything sealed
no surprise nothing to try

where in the garbage bin of time
can we ourselves dispose
early morning we all rose

sun was peeping
scratching inner thighs
kept me sighing

clouds requested O sun
wait master now sleeps
though slightly too late

hearing the silent laughter
suddenly get up faster
pulling curtains aside
allowing our only sun
upon us to smilingly glide

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: UNIVERSE...ETERNITY C/O ME, ROU

Favorite Poets: All across the Internet whom I read , and they inspire..

More from this author

Comments

Lavender

Lavender

4 years 12 months ago

Saturday Night No Fever

Hi, Lovedly,
"...the sun was keen to peep in
but scratching inside doors
kept me sighing..."

This feels as if the sun is searching, hopeful for companionship. For me, this is quaint and tender.
Thank you!
L

Gracy

Gracy

4 years 12 months ago

Hi lovedly, lovely poem. Not

Hi lovedly, lovely poem. Not sure what you mean by the title. Of course I saw the movie, but does it fit your poem. I suppose it's an irony, now I'm getting it, I think...
The imagery is pretty and my only nit, you must be tired of hearing me, is that your poem needs tweaking. Too many unnecessary words. In the last line, for example, you've got an extra "come". And so on.
Enjoyed and will return. Must enjoy this sunny Winter day. Best, Gracy