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Dec 10, 2012
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Scent of Meat
The raw dripping pool
creeping across the mouth
delicious!
drip drip dribble dribble
No sanguine snack this-
more a Homo-blackpudding
bursting bloody bastes
The luminous ring dances
lunar lines across the
Green Man's playground
hiding wet magenta ribbons
drop! drop! splatter splash!
And the scent is wafting
And the hirsute pursuer
pines for the
metallic tang
And he finds a lone lovely
languishing in the green baize
clearing
stupid morsel!
needs eating
ravishing
ravenous
repast
slurp slurp burp! burp!
smell the meat my darling
now
your tastes are
refined
mmmmm...
smell the meat my darling
you carnivorous
whore
About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
weirdelf
12 years 7 months ago
Fun and very serious! An extraordinary accomplishment.
pursuiter [sic?, perhaps pursuer]
Perhaps the ending could be stronger.
Maybe instead of 'mmmmm...'
'you have been named'. Or something like that.
BettyBuff
12 years 7 months ago
Thanks Jess
I've corrected the spelling! LOL....and tried to make the ending stronger, does it work? I'd watched a really naff Hammer House of Horror film last night...it was giving me the creepy nightmares, feeding my imagination!
Ells x
weirdelf
12 years 7 months ago
oh yes!
much better
BettyBuff
12 years 7 months ago
Thank you Lonnie
I'm trying to develop my style...I've come to the conclusion i have a very dark vein that is much easier to mine than joyful expression!
Unsettling as I'm in a really happy place in my life! LOL
Regards,
Ellie :)