Ian.T

Sep 30, 2014 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

This poem is part of the workshop:

Storytelling in Verse: A Study in Pink.

(Read More...)

Scribblers piece for No 7 A Study in Pink

I'm here
Limited time to post so here goes:-

Mog floats the night, mist filled and dead
savouring *Jack's last fulsome taste
seeking someone to fill Jack's stead.
Mog drifts slowly, there is no haste.
Nearby it hears a scream and gurgle
decides to waft toward the scene
(did someone die in midst of burgle?)
The "taste” of fear is coloured green.

By the time I get to the fear's source
the well of rage is fleeing fast
and a crowd is gathering, of course.
Diverse emotions now are cast
There are five or six hosts here,
a pool of blood steaming and slick
All emotions not just fear,
which one to pick, which one to pick?

*
"Jack" is Jack the ripper. Mog's last host who he'd driven insane and who has just died from syphilis,
Stan

About This Poem

Last Few Words: As Stan has a problem with being at the comp for very long I have taken the liberty of posting his piece as above for the continuance of the story so far

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Leicestershire, Ex Moonraker, GBR

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

wesley snow

10 years 9 months ago

Way to go Ian.

Everyone critique both Stan's and Ian's submissions. Loved is up. I will repeat this message on the syllabus thread.

lonlyhrtsclub13

10 years 9 months ago

Mog...

He is an interesting character, wondering who or what he has possessed to cause the death of tragic victim. Good suspense and description.

lovedly

10 years 9 months ago

I think Stan has well justified his monstrous role Am I next ??

Should I spew mine now.. W SNOW SIR?

alidzain

10 years 9 months ago

Not bad.

I agree that this is an interesting character.

Alid

wesley snow

10 years 9 months ago

You follow Ian

this round and all subsequent rounds. Ian has submitted his, so it is your go.

wesley snow

10 years 9 months ago

Stan,

are you satisfied with this? I'm going to start asking before I move the sections to give the greatest opportunity to edit that I can. If you're good, I'll move it and set it in granite. If not, take more time to edit. We are not in a hurry to get things to the Main Thread.

scribbler

10 years 9 months ago

Hi Wes

No, I'm not quite happy with it. If you see no change within a day or so go ahead and move it though......stan

Also
Ian I appreciate your moving this for me and my knees appreciate it lol......

Ian.T

10 years 9 months ago

Stan

Glad you could make it for a while, as the form said two eight lined stanzas I took out the break between your four stanzas to comply.
With Loved's piece we will have completed the first round or is there one more person to write, not to worry about that though the edit of the first part will probably tidy things up a bit.
Meanwhile you just rest now, even if there is an edit you wish to do, it can be done as and when you have time, just pop the edit as a comment or separate it will be sorted.
My healing to you and energy to Susan who has to carry you around the house La, La.
Yours as always Ian..

scribbler

10 years 9 months ago

Hey Ian

Don't want to hold things up so here are the edits:
Stanza 1
line 3 seeking someone to fill Jack's stead
line 4 change there's to there is
line 6 decides to waft toward the scene

Stanza 2
line 4 diverse emotions now are cast
line 7 and All emotions not just fear

Ian.T

10 years 9 months ago

Wesley

Stan's edits have been incorperated so this one can be streamed to the main story.
Thanks for your Patience, Yours Ian.T
PS:- Mine can also go to the main story, I hear that Loved's is near completion.