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Dec 10, 2010
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Sculpting Deep Respect
My heart beats honour
Slicing into your image
Sculpting deep respect.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Haven't tried this kind of poem before - not even sure what kind of poem it is. Any imput would be welcome. Love Mand xx
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
mand
14 years 7 months ago
Any imput would be welcome!
Any imput would be welcome!
Kailashana2
14 years 7 months ago
This is wonderful, Mand! You
This is wonderful, Mand! You got it in one try!
Brava!
~A
mand
14 years 7 months ago
Woow!!!
Really!! I'm chuffed. I haven't attempted anything like this before so I was a bit dubious. You've given me a boost - especially coming from a poet such as yourself. Ohh thank you Anna.
Loads of love
Mand xxxxxx
Kailashana2
14 years 7 months ago
Methinks the style might be
Methinks the style might be Senryu which is based on human nature, unlike Haiku which is more Mother Nature.
You really have mastered it. Sculpting deep respect, indeed.
~
http://members.optushome.com.au/kazoom/poetry/senryu.html
mand
14 years 7 months ago
Hey Seren
It feels quite strange, writing in a different style. Like I'm learning to swim - really pleased for the encouragement - So thank you for reading and commenting - at least I know I'm kinda on the right track.lol
Loads of love and kisses
Mand xxxxxxx
Geezer
14 years 7 months ago
On the...
right track! Yes, you are! Like Anna says; "Got it in one"! Very nice work.
I echo praise recieved
Honor rebounds
Molded by respect
~ Gee
mand
14 years 7 months ago
Yes!
Thank you Geezer. Yes honor rebounds molded by respect. Thats the message.
Great - thanks for reading and commenting.
Loads of love
Mand xxxxxxx
Kailashana2
14 years 7 months ago
Sir Gee,
Sir Gee,
Wow! What a duet!
~A
Nordic cloud
14 years 7 months ago
The drum beats pull you up
The drum beats pull you up straight,
as you stride in honour through the
image of the honoured one,
and as you go you shape her/his image
as a sculpted form
solid and unrockable
deeply respected, deeply cut.
Love to you dear Mand from Ann.
mand
14 years 7 months ago
Helloo Ann
Thanks Ann
Always good to have your comments - much honored and respected.
Loads of love to you
Mand xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Eduardo Cruz
14 years 7 months ago
Mand
the respect goes to you, And your ablity to sulpt such a write.
Keep going don't stop now!
Always Eddie
mand
14 years 7 months ago
Thank you Eddie
Nice to meet you. I'm so encouraged by everyones response to this poem. For me it was a complete change in direction - I don't know much about senryu or haiku so I didn't know what to expect. After reading all your comments I'll defiantley try writing more, but I need to do more research and find out more about it.
Really pleased you read and commented I really do appreciate the feedback.
Thank you
Love Mand xxxxxxx
scribbler
14 years 7 months ago
sculpting
It would appear that you can sculpt in more mediums than one. In my attempts at Japanese styles I just recently was made aware that Haiku was restricted by subject as well as form. Senryu is less restrictive as to form so the syllable count in this could be altered if you wanted to. This is the sum of my knowledge of Japanese forms lol. Feels good to stretch your wings doesn't it ?
mand
14 years 7 months ago
Elloo Stan
Hope your o.k!! Me too. It does feel good to stretch the wings!! Kinda like stepping off the edge of a cliff! Didn't really know what to expect - reaction wise -. Fully expected to be told I needed to work on it. To be honest I'm totally amazed but pleased that it's worked out well! Great to hear from you Stan.
Keep safe my friend
And I always appreciate yours and everyone elses comments.
Loads of love
Mand xxxxxxxxx
mand
14 years 7 months ago
Hi Shirl
First try at this type of poem. I was really pleased and amazed with the reaction. I will defiantely try more.
Thanks Shirl - as always you brighten my page.
Love and hugs Mand xxxxxxxxx
mand
14 years 7 months ago
Thanks Xena
I enjoyed deviating from "my" norm. I've only ever written rhyming poems.
Thanks for reading and commenting Xena.
Soo good to hear from you and I hope you're o.k and managing to keep warm.
Love Mand xxxxxxxxx