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Oct 27, 2020
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The Secret 3
Come and join the secret three
it may be small for you and me
but it will be a big society
with more than you and me
come and join to have some fun
goof around till the day is done
Winter spring and fall we'll run
keeping on running til we've won
scream and cry at the Moon
get drunk till we meet our doom
staying up til the flowers bloom
waking up with eyes like coons
if you join we'll dance till 4:00
spending money till were poor
drink again and drink some more
watching creepy, gory, lore
so come and join the secret three
come and join just you and me
make this a big society
come with us so you can flee
About This Poem
Last Few Words: this is based off of a book I used to read all the time. It shows the boys growing up and growing closer.(my poem, the book has nothing to do with anything in my poem)
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Viviana Smith
4 years 8 months ago
I'm confused
Did my poem come off as creepy? It was meant as a cute poem about a group of boys who were close from a young age and grow up together. The line about them crying at the moon is them being young crazy boys. The line about them getting drunk til they meet their doom is about them being high school students taking a drink. The line about them being free is like after a breakup they still have each other. It isn't a child predator poem, and it isn't supposed to be creepy. Where did that idea come from? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
(°ヘ°)
Viviana Smith
4 years 8 months ago
the third verse
represent them becoming teenagers. waking up with eyes like coons represents them not being able to sleep. I kninda see it now coming off as creepy. What should I do to fix it?
Viviana Smith
4 years 8 months ago
Its ok
i guess i write so many creepy poems that my happy ones come off as creepy too. :)