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Nov 21, 2024
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Seeing things through!
Howl and weep
all the day long.
Singing the same old sad
melancholy songs.
It’s not the depression
that’s getting you down.
It’s that same situation
that spins you around.
Year after year They’ve been
Keeping you here.
With the intension to make
you their prisoner.
Don’t fall for their lies
or for your own petty fears.
You have the command of this
just switch your gears.
Keep your advantage
and your own brave ideas.
Don’t bow down to strangers
in the end they’ll adhere.
Your freedom more precious
than rubies or jewels!
Just carry on quietly
and you’ll see this thing through.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: If you can improve on this please do. My feelings like ashes in a cigarette tray. They've given me over to someone elses pleasure. Now I wait patiently for my freedom which may not ever come.
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Geezer
7 months 2 weeks ago
I'll be back...
This is too early for me, but I want to respond. ~ Geez.
.
Candlewitch
7 months 2 weeks ago
Dear John,
I like the premise of this poem and the steady flow. my favorite lines are:
Don’t fall for their lies
or for your own petty fears.
You have the command of this
just switch your gears.
with much affection, Cat
Geezer
7 months 2 weeks ago
I found this...
a cry for understanding and wanting someone to know how you feel.
Abandoned in a place where the policy is to keep you under control and quiet,
one might feel like there is no way out. Keep under control, don't let the situation get the best of you. Maybe you can find an advocate? Escape is always possible through Neopoet! I read your words and feel your pain. I particularly like the lines,
"Your freedom more precious
than rubies or jewels
Just carry on quietly
And you'll see this thing through"
Carry on, my wayward son,
there'll be peace when you are done,
lay your weary head to rest,
don't you cry no more!
~ Geez.
.
Leslie
7 months 2 weeks ago
Cat...& Sir G
You have become to be some of my best freinds! I appreciate your heart felt words and thoughts. I believe that you understand and that you reaaly care this isn' the best poem I've ever written , but thanks for asssessing annd responding to my situation.