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Apr 04, 2017
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Seeking Truth
Honey-coated words
and empty praises
will only make me blind
to the turns and phrases.
I don't need
a mountain of flattery
to hide the holes
in the fabric of my poetry.
I long to mend them
with wisdom from friends
who are willing to teach,
to see my lacking reach its end.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
Keith Logan
8 years 3 months ago
I like this
Good rhyme scheme generally but I notice a miss where it matters most, right at the beginning. How about something like;
Honey-coated words
and empty praises
will only make me blind
to the truth it raises.
or
to the turns and phrases
I'm sure I have by no means exhausted the possibilities.
Only you can decide what best fits your meaning.
alidzain
8 years 3 months ago
Hi Keith
I was stuck with that part until you help out. Thanks.
Alid
Geezer
8 years 3 months ago
The only thing...
I see other than what Keith pointed out, is the use of tense in the first line third verse. [long] not longed. You term this as being free-verse, yet you rhymed all the way through. I think it qualifies as being good rhyme. ~ Gee.
.
alidzain
8 years 3 months ago
Hi Gee
Glad you liked it.
Alid
alidzain
8 years 3 months ago
Hi Mark!
Thanks. I beg to differ however. There's still much to learn.
Alid