Candlewitch

May 05, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Selachian (eddy styx)

Selachian

for too long now
have I lived with the
bitter wound eternally festering
carcinoma in the cockles
of your heart
blind with an unrelenting
Judas Complex
Serrated edges of promises broken
shattered in the jaws
of your decayed lying
sharp-as-splinters teeth
you've taken your bites out of me
your love has changed me
transposed me predisposed me
that's my beating heart
lying on the tiles of the kitchen floor
yet you smile as lie upon lie
clings to your enticing lips
breathlessly I kiss the deceit
from that cool cherry-ripe mouth
greedily gobbling
your toxic candied kisses
while you scoop out my spleen!

*selachian
se•la•chi•an [sə láykee ən] noun
marine fish: a fish that belongs to the order that includes all sharks, rays, and skates. Order: Selachii

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Another piece to be included in the "Book Of Styx II". All help is appreciated. eddy styx is my male alter ego.

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Northwestern Wisconsin USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda, Jim Morrison, the whole of Neopoet and many more.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Janice Pearce

14 years 2 months ago

Cat

Another great write from "Eddie" ETERNAL FESTERING ON A SEPARATE LINE WOULD DO THIS JUSTICE? Also I think when it comes to the "teeth" there are too many adjectives thrown in there,just my humble opinion :)

Candlewitch

14 years 2 months ago

Dear Janice,

I will have to give your advice some thought. Before I make changes I will wait and see what others have to say on those points. Thank you so much for commenting.

always, eddy (& cat)

Candlewitch

14 years 2 months ago

Dear Sweet Shirl,

It does get a little crowded in my head at times, lol, but the bed is all mine! Thanks for commenting.

always, eddy (& cat)

Candlewitch

14 years 2 months ago

Dear Rosi,

You got it. Unfortunately, I've known too many people that fit this poem. But with knowing comes the talent of early recognition. I can now spot one of them at five hundred paces! LOL! Glad you liked it and the title.

love, eddy (& cat)

ziggy

14 years 2 months ago

hi cat

just when I thought I had seen your best you come here with this
I just want to read it over and over and I as yet would not change
a line, with lines like this "blind with an unrelenting
Judas Complex
Serrated edges of promises broken
shattered in the jaws
of your decayed lying
sharp-as-splinters teeth" what lines ,,,,,,,,,
I love the link with the judas complex
and the serrated edges ,,,,,,,,,,,,,
and these lines "yet you smile as lie upon lie
clings to your enticing lips
breathlessly I kiss the deceit
from that cool cherry-ripe mouth
greedily gobbling
your toxic candied kisses
while you scoop out my spleen!,,great ending in my humble opinion one of (eddy styx) best ,,,,,,zigs

Candlewitch

14 years 2 months ago

Dear Bro Ziggy,

You have picked out my favorite lines! Thanks for reading and telling me what you like. I very much appreciate it.

always, eddy (& cat)

lou

14 years 2 months ago

My God

Cat you are so talented, a fantastic use of words.

Much Love Always Lou

Candlewitch

14 years 2 months ago

Hi Lou!

I humbly accept the compliment and that takes some doing with an overinflated ego such as mine, LOL! (cat's ego is the standard model)

always, eddy (& cat)

Candlewitch

14 years 2 months ago

Dearest Jayne-Chloe

You may have read this one before, but I have reworked it since its first showing. It is going in the "Book of Styx II" So I want opinions on the polished version.

always, eddy (& cat)