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Dec 13, 2025
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Self deletion (written for a freind"!
Where do you go,
when the darkness sets in?
You've got no one to talk to,
is this a dead end?
My mother and father,
have given me their sins.
My energy failing,
I refuse to give in.
Everyone hopes for
some kind of win win,
but no one expects you
to ever give in.
I'll tell you right out,
it's been on my mind.
The ultimate sacrifice
getting jumped in!
The waiting is killing me
time and again.
With no one to stop you,
were will it all end?
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I have a friend who wants life to end. You can't get out, without some kind of scrape. There are medications to deal with this, but in the end. We face our own demons, some of us again and again. Ride the wild horse, it's a means to an end. If it throws you against the wall, just try to hang in. If your constitution fails you. You're not the one to blame!
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
4 months 1 week ago
Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem addresses themes of isolation, inherited pain, perseverance, and suicidal ideation. The use of direct address and rhetorical questions in the opening lines establishes an immediate sense of vulnerability and searching. The phrase “my mother and father, / have given me their sins” introduces a generational aspect to the speaker’s suffering, suggesting a burden that is both personal and inherited.
The repetition of “give in” and “win” in the middle stanzas creates a sense of internal conflict and societal expectation. However, the phrasing “some kind of win and a win” is ambiguous and could benefit from clarification or revision for greater impact. The line “getting jumped in!” is unclear in this context; if it is intended as a metaphor, it would be helpful to develop it further or provide more context to guide the reader’s interpretation.
The poem’s structure is loosely organized, with irregular line lengths and inconsistent punctuation. This can mirror the speaker’s emotional turmoil, but tightening the form or being more deliberate with line breaks and punctuation could enhance the poem’s clarity and emotional resonance.
The closing lines return to the theme of waiting and uncertainty, culminating in the question “were will it all end.” The misspelling of “were” instead of “where” is distracting and should be corrected. Overall, the poem effectively communicates a sense of despair and longing for connection, but could benefit from more precise language, clearer metaphors, and careful attention to form and mechanics. Consider revising for clarity and cohesion, and exploring ways to further develop the poem’s imagery and emotional depth.
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John Leslie O'Kelley
4 months 1 week ago
My poem!
Thank you Neo for your interpretation!
William Lynn
4 months 1 week ago
I hope
I hope your friend can find a special place of peace and hope.
In my nearly 40 years in law enforcement, mental illness played a role in many of my calls for service. While there is no single answer to finding that special place, friendship is critical, and your friend obviously has that in you.
Thanks for sharing, and give your friend a call today. - Will