alidzain

Jun 08, 2016 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Senryu Heavenly Blessings

Droplets of rain fall,
the dry earth embrace blessings
freed from gripping thirst.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Trying to practice my senryu. Not sure if the title is okay. At first I thought "Blessings From Above." Tell me what you think.

Style/Type: Structured: Eastern

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: singapore, SGP

Favorite Poets: Emily Dickinson, Robert Frost, Sarojini Naidu and friends in Neopoet.

Comments

mand

9 years 1 month ago

Hi Alid

Very nice imagery - lovely sentry u.

alidzain

9 years 1 month ago

Mand

Thanks for dropping by. Hope all is well with your family.

Alid

jane210660

9 years 1 month ago

I just looked up Senryu, as I

I just looked up Senryu, as I had a feeling it would be a form of poetry, but I wasn't sure.
Without adhering to the form, this is a lovely poem, I am in awe when poets can work to strict form and make it look as though there were no constraints. Jx

alidzain

9 years 1 month ago

lol

we are in awe of each other then.

Alid

Sparrow

9 years 1 month ago

Alid,

A Senryu would seem to be an easy thing to do, three lines and a syllable count.
This one is good now there is a contest on this month that will stretch your ability have a go you should find it a challenge..
Yours, Ian.

alidzain

9 years 1 month ago

Lol. not true

its not always easy if you have restricted syllable counts. I am thinking of joining the contest but I need to find the time for it. It's the fasting month and its quite busy here.

Alid

jane210660

9 years 1 month ago

Is that why you were up at

Is that why you were up at 2am the other day?
Routines must be topsy turvy at the moment, especially as it isn't so far in. Jx

alidzain

9 years 1 month ago

jane

its just that I can't sleep or I'm feeling restless. Sometimes its family duties like looking after mum for the whole night, like that. My sleeping time has not been consistent. It's like I'm tired but my mind is at work, work,work and so I try to do something like reading or writing poetry. I'm in the malay poets group so I write mostly in Malay and a little bit of English now and then.

Alid

Sparrow

9 years 1 month ago

Alid

Seeing that you cannot eat twix sunrise and sunset I think a poem on it's effects on your ways would be good,
Take care young man, Yours Ian..

alidzain

9 years 1 month ago

lol

We shall see, but I don't think it will be one of those poems. I do have a few ideas but like I said, its the time I need to find to try to put them into the format before I choose which is the best.

Alid

jane210660

9 years 1 month ago

Thanks for telling me.

Thanks for telling me.
I wish you a restful night tonight. Jx

Esker

9 years 1 month ago

I like this one a lot Alidzain

nothing like that arid tension
we here or I here on my land
we get much rain..or enough
blessings like rain
and the last line was a
beaut!

thank U!