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Jun 22, 2022
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Senryu Quartet...
Flowers bloom and fade
in her heart was a desert
the rain did not come
He was well aware
a wind blew into his life
she was ever there
His hand brought her hope
she drank from his love blossom
her mind opened up
They fled the desert
drinking in the cool water
he brought food for thought
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Just a few senryu, to appease a curious cat. LoL
Style/Type: Structured: Eastern
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
Candlewitch
3 years ago
dearest Geezer,
LOL, on your last few words! I don't think I can choose favorite lines as they are all so stunningly great!!! I asked and you delivered... and yes...He brought food for thought (as did you) I love it and want to think on it a bit...as Arnold S. says "I'll be back" hee hee
ever, eddy
*hugs, Cat
Geezer
3 years ago
Thank you for...
your always support and everlasting thirst. [Must be the desert]. New Killer coming soon , not sure of when, just soon. ~ Geez.
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Candlewitch
3 years ago
Lol, Geez,
you are very welcome! looking forward to killer's contribution to the madness! all in good time...
*hugs, Cat
His hand brought her hope
she drank from his love blossom
her mind opened up
okay...I couldn't resist, so sue me...
Geezer
3 years ago
Thank you...
I took your advice on the capping of the following lines, I agree with that deletion of the [es] on rains too.
The aware and there rhyme stands!
~ Geez.
.
Geezer
3 years ago
I've never...
seen a rule against it! ~ Geez.
.
Jackweb
3 years ago
ROMEO AND JULIET!
It takes two to tango. This speaks of two lovers and I believe in every situation there will be away out. Real love never quits. It takes patience and love to build a relationship.
Geezer
3 years ago
Yes...
lovers can always find a way. Sometimes, it's to the detriment of their well-being, but yes, they can find the way. ~ Geezer.
.
Obadiah Grey
3 years ago
I believe this is better than
I believe this is better than you think it is, geez.
I like the almost inadvertent rhyme, assonance, and consonance.
Yeah, its a good 'un !
Obi.
Geezer
3 years ago
Thank you...
I enjoyed the writing of it, and yes, the rhyme was inadvertent, because I do it all the time and it was just there. LoL
It slipped right out from under my four- finger typing. Ha, ha. ~ Geez.
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Rosewood Apothecary
3 years ago
Well done.
Effortless read. It’s really quite spectacular. There are several layers of longing that are all resolved. It’s kinda perfect.
Geezer
3 years ago
I don't know...
about perfect, but I'll accept the praise! Thank you; I like venturing off my beaten path now and then. A request from one of my
favorite people here. Senryu and Haiku help with slimming down my regular style of works. I get to think about how to make short and concise lines, with the fewest words possible. Of course, that doesn't always apply; sometimes, I need to show more action when I write "Killer" poems or stories about characters I have in my head. Then I have to set the scene and use more words to describe the action. Hopefully, I'll have a "Killer" write soon. I'm working on one now. ~ Geezer.
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Rosewood Apothecary
3 years ago
Perception
Think of perfection as a fluid state. Things can be perfect for a moment but not their entire existence. Right reader, right time of day perhaps?
Geezer
3 years ago
Yes...
a very philosophical reply. I like the way you think.~ Geezer.
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Lord Barham
3 years ago
I shouldn't have stayed away so long!
I'm glad I have come back to NeoPoet! I am discovering some great poets on here. I left a few years ago after a chapbook thing I submitted to someone or other was rejected because I had posted it on a blog. It seems, fascist editors dislike that sort of thing. Now I'm back and enjoying everything I have read so far, including this poem of yours! This is a fascinating and intriguing piece of work and quite different from your ballad about Killer.