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Senses Senseless
You drive my senses senseless,
So much so that I wish it endless.
You entrap my vision, so I seek only you,
That gentle face seems too good to be true.
But that glare that stems from those beautiful eyes,
Ensures the thought that you are only mine.
Almost as much as when you utter the words,
The words I had longed for, the ones I have heard
Your endearing voice fully drowns the sound,
Of all others that appear to surround.
So much so that to hear another,
Is to silence the sound we have made for each other.
Sinful it is to heed others with intent,
Perhaps much worse than to inhale another’s scent.
For I cannot fathom committing such a crime,
When it is your very scent that has undone time.
I find myself engulfed in your presence,
Yearning to breathe and consume your essence.
In more ways than one, I cannot be done,
As I crave you too much, even more so your touch.
For the flushing sensation of your skin on mine,
Ignites a feeling of immediate incline.
And increases so when your lips explore,
Reaching new heights I’ve never before.
I wish to always be within your embrace, I wish to forever be drowned in your taste.
To be washed over by the sweetness of your lips,
is something that is often considered amiss.
But to be long immersed in the rawness of your tongue,
is to be ignorant of us still being young.
In moments like this, I find myself lost,
Eagerly taking you, but at what cost?
At the trivial expense of all my senses?
Is it worth allowing you to fill me senseless?
Nothing frightens but pleases me more,
You nullify my senses to feel almost sore.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Once again, directed towards a boy I am absolutely infatuated with in every way. I wrote this for him, and decided to share here too, as I often do. Tbh, I didn’t really like the ending of my poem but I didn’t really know how else to end it.
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Not actively editing
Comments
neopoet
6 months ago
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
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Lavender
6 months ago
Senses Senseless
Hello, Sahar,
Clever title, as the poem covers all the senses. A tad bit long, but I'm not certain how to tighten up, or what would be taken out as it all sends the understood message of being deeply love-struck. I agree with you about the ending, specifically the final last stanza - the word "sore" feels somewhat forced and unnatural. Maybe find a different word to convey "more" so that another rhyme may be used in that final line?
Best regards!
Lavender