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May 12, 2020
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Serenity
Gazing over the ocean
to a place where the sky meets the sea
the setting sun leaves a bleeding wound
that can only be healed
by the rising moon
The seagulls take to their final flight
while sandpipers scurry
before the arrival of night
Crashing waves rolling in
with changing tides
leaving an amalgam of seaweed and brine
and a place for little creatures to hide
Now say goodbye
to another sun
for serenity and peace
to the sea I come
About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Rula
5 years 2 months ago
Dear Chrys
what a descriptive piece. Could be a good example of show poetry. I aslo learnt two words or three in stanza 3 which is also my favorite.
I very much enjoyed reading your words
Thank you for sharing this beautiful scene
c lynn brooks
5 years 2 months ago
rula
you are always too kind and generous . curiosity has the better of me what two words
Rula
5 years 1 month ago
Dear Chrys
I am not familiar with the sandpiper as we are far from any sea or ocean shores.
The two words are amalgam and scurry.
Now i need to use them sooner so as to forget them.
Thank you
c lynn brooks
5 years 2 months ago
Teddy
Thank you so much as you can tell I so love the ocean and I am truly at peace there just the sound of the crashing waves is awesome
Gracy
5 years 2 months ago
Lovely poem, lynn. Leaves me
Lovely poem, lynn. Leaves me feeling serene, despite lockdown. I feel you could do away with a few articles, such as in the strophe below.
Crashing waves rolling in
with (the) changing tides
leaving an amalgam of seaweed and brine
and a place for (the) little creatures to hide.
Just thoughts of my own, otherwise enjoyed.
c lynn brooks
5 years 2 months ago
Gracy
thank you for stopping in
I will look at your suggestions thoughtfully
and see what might happen when I apply them
i have omitted your suggestions and yes it flows better thank you
Lavender
5 years 2 months ago
Serenity
Hi, Chrys,
You have captured the essence of a sunset - a very sensory experience. Beautiful.
Thank you!
L
c lynn brooks
5 years 2 months ago
lavender
thank you very much
c lynn brooks
5 years 2 months ago
Jerry
Thank you so much