raj

Mar 07, 2018 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

This poem is part of the contest:

Ode To The Cellphone [March contest]

(Read More...)

Serving Lifetime in a Cell [Sunku for March Contest]

Feels like
holding world
in my pocket

From my
Loo I roam
around the globe

Turning
me deaf to
knocks on the door

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Somewhere in the world, IND

Comments

Geezer

7 years 3 months ago

Nice Sunku...

about the cellphone phenomena. Looks like you really have a handle on this.
~ Geezer.
.

raj

7 years 3 months ago

For reading and decoding the poem. I wanted to see if the huge impact of Cell/Smart phones can really be captured in Sunku form and to try and get it aesthetically right. I hope whosoever is going to judge is familiar with what Sunku is....
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jane210660

7 years 3 months ago

Like this

It made me smile yet it says so much.
Jx

raj

7 years 3 months ago

Thanks Jane

for your time to read this one and your comment. Good to know it made you smile and you could read between the lines....I think you should join the Sunku Workshop...You may love this short form ..

Regards...

jane210660

7 years 3 months ago

Thanks Raj

I’m sure I’d love it, but I haven’t any time to take anything else on at the moment. Jx

raj

7 years 3 months ago

No problems Jane if you don't

No problems Jane if you don't have the space and time to join the workshop. As and when possible, keep an eye on it. May be if it stimulates your muse when you have more leisure time you can give it a go.

Mean time...Happy Women's Day!

jane210660

7 years 3 months ago

Thank you

I hadn’t realised it was Women’s Day. Thank you anyway. Jx

lovedly

7 years 3 months ago

...

....since u ignored
I removed

Marlies Vonn

7 years 3 months ago

Knocks on Doors

This was very relatable - especially with the knocking on the door. For me, if someone does knock, you would figure I'm wanted by police guaging by the way I jump. Almost scared of the outside sometimes.

I enjoyed the poem. I don't really feel qualified to offer critique of any sort.

raj

7 years 3 months ago

Thanks for the read. "Knocks

Thanks for the read. "Knocks on the door" is with reference to second stanza meaning knocks on the Loo door.
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