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Mar 30, 2011
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Seven Minutes
away away
we are caught in currents
duress
sleight of hand
and at the gate
the idling engines
just this light
from window banks
slakes my thirst
and I hunger
in the miles
tracing from us
I yearn for so much
and we give so little
precious is the we
of all
this tide that sweeps
away the histories
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
CCfire
14 years 3 months ago
It may be rough
but I find not much to crit here, I read it several times, perhaps I'd change the 'idling engine' to 'engines idle' but it's a moot point to the strength of the rest. That ending is so good. It gives the piece it's 'aha' moment. Powerful freeform.
Esker
14 years 3 months ago
I like
after reading this a few times
with "engines idling"
it sounds smoother
thank You for the comment