Neopoet

Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

CL
c lynn brooks
Aug 09, 2020 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

shadows Of Me

I cannot see through the darkness
I cannot feel the cold
winter has taken hold of my heart
and the night has stolen my soul

I am the lamb led to the slaughter
I am the ship claimed by the sea

Do not seek
or you will find only a shadow
of the person I used to be

I dwell in a place
that you cannot follow
I'm no more than a shell
I have become hollow

It is cold and dark
but it is safe you see

For I now live
deep inside of me

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: north carolina usa, USA

Favorite Poets: Leonard Cohen, Edgar Alan Poe, ray Bradbury, John Grissom, .Alan S Jeeves James patterson,

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

More from this author

Comments

Geezer

Geezer

4 years 11 months ago

What a sad tale...

safe in the cocoon; I hope that there is a butterfly emerging. I would delete the [For] in the line: "Winter has taken hold of my ] heart". You just don't need it. Besides, there is another [for] in near proximity and it just looks awkward. A good bit of rhyme here, well written. ~ Geez.
.

C

c lynn brooks

4 years 11 months ago

Gee

thank you I took uor suggestion but had to sub a word since I was using for as except

some might say this is the real me

R

raj

4 years 11 months ago

Hi Chrys

a very nice poem with an apt title with bits of melancholy as well as philosophy...

be well...

C

c lynn brooks

4 years 11 months ago

Teddy

Thank you very much ok so you have me blushing
sometimes being in ones own mind is not the place to be as stated it may be safe but it is cold and lonely

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

4 years 11 months ago

dearest Chrys,

once again I am blown away by the poetic skill you have tapped into, to convey your feelings.I am in awe off your talent. this poem really resonated with me! perfect, from first line to last!

*hugs, Cat
*
*
*

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

4 years 11 months ago

me again...

I asked Steve to read this poem. his comment to me was: excellent...I can see where it is coming from. (he was impressed!)

awesome!
*
*
*

C

c lynn brooks

4 years 11 months ago

Teddy

you did not miss it I used Geezer's suggestion
the word save is used here as meaning except for

Geezer

Geezer

4 years 11 months ago

I think...

That I may have been remiss in my suggestion that you delete the [for] in that line; since you do not use puncuation, it reads a bit differently than I expected. How about, replacing the [for] in that line and removing it from "Winter has taken hold of my heart" ? ~ Gee.
.