faerybeki

Feb 07, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

The Shape of Now

e d t i m
p f e e
o o m s
h r o
S L
u i
o f
y e

t i
a s
h
w e
x
y a
l c
t

About This Poem

Last Few Words: A shape poem :) I'm rather afraid the shape has to stay but I'm very open to know if there's a better wording to get same point across, I did consider 'dreamt' instead of 'hoped' what works better?

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: GBR

Comments

faerybeki

14 years 5 months ago

ha fucking ha, just spent

ha fucking ha, just spent ages on this lol why won't it save in the shape I put in??!!!! Help I write a lot of concrete poetry, will i be unable to post any of it for workshopping? xxxx

Psyve

14 years 5 months ago

FB

Just saw your second post....
a moment after i posted my response below to your original shape poem...

Apologies...

I thought you were pulling everyones leg...

:-)

Psyve

faerybeki

14 years 5 months ago

hee hee :) no need for

hee hee :) no need for apologies, your critique gave me a huge laugh :) thank you, more love xxx

Psyve

14 years 5 months ago

Faerybeki,

Suggest you move this from passive voice to active voice and reconsider the use of the past participle over the present continuous tense.

Yes, the Emperor really DOES have on a set of magnificent new clothes.

Psyve

faerybeki

14 years 5 months ago

lmao :) very helpul, thanks

lmao :) very helpful, thanks Psyve :) much love Beki xxx

faerybeki

14 years 5 months ago

Just so you know, the poem is

Just so you know, the poem is written in a heart shape and reads (in a clockwise direction) 'Sometimes life is exactly what you hoped for' :) I posted a lot of these 'sometimes life is...' poems on the old site, in various shapes (a circle, a wave, even a shit lol) they're such a nightmare, albeit an enjoyable one :) to format and they don't copy and paste well, so I had to do them straight to Neo, most of them are gone now. I'm babbling, forgive me xxx

Psyve

14 years 5 months ago

beki

I have been flummoxed by formatting problems on this site for a while. I think Andrew is working on it...

As regards "concrete" poetry... I understand what you are trying to acheive. I am not entirely unfamiliar with this and had in fact used the device myself in the days before Personal Computing... You can see an example of it in the Artwork for my song "Christmas Morning" on my Soundclick page:

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=8999139

The text was hand written but formatted within a christmas tree shaped outline, in this 1980 artwork from my songbook.

Hope your formatting problems are sorted out soon

Psyve