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Jun 26, 2017
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A shard granite lump,that lays in ancient loam
A shard granite lump,that lays in ancient loam
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Adjusted - battery about to die! that's it.. My line involving a 'rock' evoking by use of situation, and maybe historical context some image in the readers head. For the imagery in poetry workshop. Cheers. Chris.
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
weirdelf
8 years ago
shard is evocative, lump
shard is evocative, lump contraposes it
granite is igneous rock, hence un-metamorphosed by heat, pressure and time.
lying in ancient loam provides a sense of meaning in human context.
Crikey! You couldn't pack in much more imagery!
scribbler
8 years ago
Hi
I think I see what you are trying to accomplish by using "shard". But at least to me a shard id a sharpened piece of stone and I'm pretty sure granite's composition precludes giving to a cutting edge. But regardless this line has a Lot going for it........stan
jane210660
8 years ago
Perhaps flint?
I could see flint instead of granite.
I still visualise something ancient and undisturbed, made of rock.
Hint of Lord of the Rings.
Jx
weirdelf
8 years ago
see my reply
It's not impossible to get a shard from granite.
To me this is incredibly dense imagery.
weirdelf
8 years ago
But then someone like Stan
But then someone like Stan might expect readers to have no prior knowledge of anything.
In which case this is a bit of granite on dirt.
wesley snow
8 years ago
I see a bit of granite on dirt.
like Jess, I think the imagery is dense.
vandiemenspeak
8 years ago
The thought that led was..
Nelsons column in ten thousand years, or granite in the funerary sense. I could have gone with flint - but flint entails fire, perhaps extinguished, buried in deep loam? This is very useful folks.
Thanks.
Chris.
jane210660
8 years ago
So now
I see a fallen tombstone.
Jx
weirdelf
8 years ago
ain't imagery grand?
Onya Stan, great workshop already.
Race_9togo
8 years ago
It's poetry.
The meaning of the words are fluid, subjective, if you will, and should be - it is the feelings the stream of words invoke in the reader's heart and mind that are the result that counts.
This one? Counts.
scribbler
8 years ago
off record
shards always bring broken clay pots to mind first then chips left from the making of stone arrowheads second. just a personal thing