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She left with no goodbye.

And never learned to feel
yet I live beneath this skin
never learned to kneel
and feel the hurt within

To give a helping hand
and grow
to understand
That walls, thick or thin
make rooms for living in.

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Manchester England

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Comments

Rula

Rula

2 years 10 months ago

And we

go on living without really giving much thought of how things go on. Bitter sweet lines that sadly uncover some of the un/human traits
The first stanza's my favorite if I had to choose, but thought you need to add the title as a first line of the body so that the reader won't start with a conjunction. Just a thought.

She left with no goodbye
And never learned to feel
yet I live beneath this skin
never learned to kneel
and feel the hurt within

Good stuff indeed.
Welcome to our world.

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

2 years 10 months ago

hello!

may I add, this fantastic poem would come off better if you were to drop all the "and's" try reading both versions out loud and see which sounds better. a master poet taught me about this recently. I love the simplicity of your poem.
btw...
nice to meet you!

*hugs, Cat

Geezer

Geezer

2 years 10 months ago

I agree...

with the admonishment of dropping some of the [ands] and seeing how it reads. Try:

She left with no goodbye
yet I live beneath this skin
never learned to kneel
to feel the hurt within

To give a helping hand
to grow
and understand
Those walls thick or thin
make rooms for living in

Good work! ~ Geezer.
.

Lavender

Lavender

2 years 10 months ago

She Left With No Goodbyes

Hello, Goodchild,
Funny - I loved using "And" as the first word! The title pulled me in, and then I arrived directly into the poem's mood, already in progress, already in deep thought. I really liked that. This feels so solitary, as if it just needs someone to sit with it a while.
Thank you,
L

Rosewood Apothecary

Rosewood Apothecary

2 years 10 months ago

I love the poem

Welcome to neopoet. You should drop the “and” or use ellipses before it. It hints at coming into a thought in the middle. If that’s indeed a desired effect I’d use the ellipses. I like the language and theme. Got a nice ethereal feel to it.

Welcome,
Tim