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She Was A/The First/Redhead pt.2 by: eddy styx

This sculpted private, (of His own ego) garden set aside
from the surrounding wilder-lands, (as yet not trodden
and trampled)was gifted to them the first Man
and Woman, by a mysterious benefactor.
Asking only one small thing they must grant HIM:
In turn, they promised not to partake of
the fruit of "the Tree of Life." A knowing look
in His eyes, a cruel chuckle upon his lips.
Time would tell, it shouldn't be long...

Having agreed, they embarked on lazy walks
and small talk, hours on end in the lure of abundance.
Finding a cornucopia of edible beauty,
in those fields reclining on manicured
terraces of deep emerald grass and
smooth white stepping stones pacing through
a color rich feast for eyes, ears and taste.
On this day of days, Eve came upon
a congenial stranger of charming manner
sleeping under "The Tree" he awoke, with diamond eyes.
greeting her graciously with his mesmeric smile.
His attire decked out in a multiple array of color
"Hello, gentle beauty," He softly hissed,
taking her hand, laying a kiss on its palm.
On the ground, divine red fruit lay all around them.
he plucked one up, offering her a bite...
"Oh...my goodness...I cannot, it is Forbidden!"
she demurred, surprising herself with a longing.
Thus, the hunger of temptation was born!
*
by: eddy styx

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Northwestern Wisconsin USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda, Jim Morrison, the whole of Neopoet and many more.

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Comments

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

2 years 6 months ago

hello Lavender,

I am working on part 3 now in my ham-handed fashion. thank you for hanging with me on this attempt to personalize a Christian Bible Story to make it palatable.

*ever, eddy styx
*hugs, Cat

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

2 years 6 months ago

LOL, Lavender,

I'm working on it slowly and carefully. thanks for reading and wanting more...

*ever, eddy
*hugs, Cat

D

Dalton

2 years 6 months ago

Dearest Cat

The dichotomy between male and female always being the most interesting element of the Eden narrative

E

Emerald1

2 years 6 months ago

Hi Cat

Another great instalment , very descriptive and gripping , the narrative engaging and the ending perfect , the hunger of temptation is born , this telling of the story of Eden taking us where ........await part 3 with eager anticipation .A great piece .

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

2 years 6 months ago

dear Emerald1

thank you very much for reading and following along. I hope you have been enjoying my fanciful tale. working on part 3 but won't be able to post until late morning. as there is a 24 hour limit on posts. I used mine up today entering a contest.

*ever, eddy styx
* happy holidays, Cat

RoseBlack

RoseBlack

2 years 6 months ago

Anxiously awaiting

For Part 3...will she or won't she? I like how the serpent is dressed so well and immediately charms Eve. Not much has changed in billions of years.

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

2 years 6 months ago

dear Carrie,

so many stories in the Naked City...so many of them repeats... thanks for reading and the comment ;)

*ever, eddy
* BB, Cat