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Ink Artist
Ink Artist
Jun 11, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

~shrinking violet

bashful, I hide between
pages in a book

and alone
I surf black seas of night
ride the tide of stars
and wash upon the shore
of moon-flower blooms
dilating my eyes

I dive from mountaintops
call out the names of gods
climb through desert desolation
as if by
one grain of sand at a time

and I am like dust
that floats aimlessly
in some solitary spin

with a wish
to dance with wildflowers
to hold passion in my palms
to hang poetry
in the vertical vining of waterfalls

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: USA

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda, Rumi, Mary Oliver, Huang Xiang, Charles Bukowski, Richard Brautigan, Izumi Shikibu, Elizabeth Bishop

More from this author

Comments

K

Kailashana2

14 years ago

I so look forward to your

I so look forward to your poems, Lori.

I'm reminded: "Forgiveness is the scent the violet leaves on the heel that crushes it." Attributed to Mark Twain and sometimes Einstein. Your poems early in the morning (when I write too) linger with me throughout the day.

~A

Ink Artist

Ink Artist

14 years ago

you're far too kind and make

you're far too kind and make me smile. :) thank you for your lovely comment. morning is my silence and my favorite time to write. I feel like my head is clear, not clouded with the day's worry (just yet) and my thoughts are fresh and original. nice to know you are a morning writer, too! :)

~lori

CCfire

CCfire

14 years ago

I love it all too Lori, my

I love it all too Lori, my only nit pick and it's such a minor one is to remove the 'ing' from 'wishing' in that last stanza to just say 'wish' but it's a personal preference only either way the words you write here are lovely.

Ink Artist

Ink Artist

14 years ago

thanks, chez. i've debated

thanks, chez. i've debated about that word "wishing" but unsure of an edit that can hold the flow i have going here WITHOUT adding in another "I" to the piece, which i don't want to do. any advice would be welcomed??

K

Kailashana2

14 years ago

Hmmm. Ordinarily, I too

Hmmm. Ordinarily, I too often enough have *issues* with *ing*, in mine and other's works. However, in this poem the *vining* presents such clarity, that I would be remiss to suggest changes....not that one can't be found that would encapsulate the image with as much precision. It's just I don't have it.

~A

Ink Artist

Ink Artist

14 years ago

ana, i did edit the "wishing"

ana, i did edit the "wishing" as chez pointed out. how do you think the end line would read as"in the vertical vines of waterfalls" therefore eliminating that gerund??

CCfire

CCfire

14 years ago

how about

in the vined verticals of a waterfall? I know it's making up a word but hey that's our prerogative as a poet lol

themoonman

themoonman

14 years ago

Welcome to Neo ...

This poem is a very pleasing read, not too sure about
the vertical vining, but still very calm imaging, perhaps one
or two too many "I's" ... but hey, it is what it is and this poem
works on many levels.

glad to make your acquaintance !

Richard