Shut It

Silence
you speak only
to barb my every thought
did you forget who I am not
Shut it!

About This Poem

Last Few Words: My attempt at a Cinquain

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: United States

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe, Jim Morrison

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Lavender

2 years 4 months ago

Shut It

Hello, Carrie,
I am so excited to see this! Yes! And what a great cinquain you've created with such strong feeling and energy. It is almost complete - just needs the fifth line with a word(s) containing 2 syllables that is a synonym to "silence." (Maybe insert your title there?)
I am so stoked with this! :)
L

RoseBlack

2 years 4 months ago

Line added

I can't believe I forgot the last line!! I got distracted at work and hit publish! Good catch! Glad you enjoyed.

Lavender

2 years 4 months ago

Yes!

Rosewood Apothecary

2 years 4 months ago

I feel like uneducated

Aside from sonnet and haiku I’m a dope about format and structures. I’ve got a metronome going in my head 24/7 so my natural inclination is toward 4 or 6 or 8 “beats” per line. Because those are the most common musical time signatures. 4/4, 3/4, 4/8. 6/8 is natural too. 5/4, 7/8, 9/8 total nightmare if you don’t count beats.

I love this poem Carrie. Just make sure YOU don’t forget who you’re not. That happens to me a lot. Less now but still.

Tim

RoseBlack

2 years 4 months ago

Thanks Tim

I think I do forget who I am not from time to time...an ongoing struggle that I am working on. I'm glad you liked this. I am trying to research and learn new forms, step outside my usual box.