November 2022 Random Challenge Sick Of Turkey 🏆 Winner

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Sick of Turkey

There once was a man named Perkey,
He spent his life eating just turkey.
he got his sharpened knife,
and slaughtered his careless wife.
Now, he's sick of eating jerky.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Not that I expect to win the contest but thought that the title is perfect for writing a Limerick.

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Jordan, JOR

Favorite Poets: I favor the ones who are closer to humanity and , Poets are humanity when the world lose it.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Lavender

2 years 7 months ago

Sick of Turkey

Hi, Rula,
Yes, it's the perfect topic for a limerick, and yours is spot-on! You might want to tighten it up a bit, if I may, for example:
There once was a man named Perkey
Spent his life eating just turkey

along with eliminating a few words and tightening up in the other lines, as well. Also, does "poorish" fit the description of his wife? Seems there is a bit more to her - maybe she's stubborn, or lacking culinary skills, or simply doesn't care?

An enjoyable limerick, and being vegan, I'm sure many turkeys thank you for this one!
L

Rula

2 years 7 months ago

Thank you

dear lavender for the comment and for helping with this one. I'll edit as suggested. Limericks were never easy and a bit challenging on both levels, meter and sense of humor.
Always great to get the help from the masters. Really appreciate it.

Rula

2 years 7 months ago

Any better?

would be happy to know if this gave anyone a chuckle or even a smile

Lavender

2 years 7 months ago

Reading this again,

yes! Much better! It gave me a big smile first, and then a hearty chuckle. Delightful limerick, perfect for the topic of turkey-lurkeys. (And unhappy husbands...)
Thank you!
L