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Dec 01, 2015
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In Silence
In silence,
the trees quench their thirst
while their leaves gather
to celebrate nature's kindness
as a starving snake slithers,
seeking its prey
to appease its hunger
at the end of the day.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
wesley snow
9 years 7 months ago
Huh?
I'm sure I don't understand the transition. It's kind of confusing for me.
alidzain
9 years 7 months ago
Wes
Let's see I can help with that.
In silence,
the trees quench their thirst (its raining)
while their leaves gather
to celebrate nature's kindness (the rainwater keeps them alive)
as a starving snake slither,(life goes on in spite of the weather)
seeking its prey
to appease its hunger
at the end of the day.
Alid
scribbler
9 years 7 months ago
Hi Alid
the snake slithers and in next line I'd drop "for". A good description of how life goes on even in a day of rain............stan
alidzain
9 years 7 months ago
Stan
Thanks for the visit and the read. Done the edit.
Alid
Sparrow
9 years 7 months ago
Alid
A goodly write, just one small thing a snake may slither, but to find its food it "slithers" from one place to the next, the plurals need words to accompany them,
Snakes slither
A Snake slithers,
Its just a ?? of who's doing what??
Talk to you later,
Yours as always, Ian..
alidzain
9 years 7 months ago
lol
I missed that one out.
Alid
wesley snow
9 years 7 months ago
Thank you Alid
for the explanation.
alidzain
9 years 7 months ago
Wes
its my pleasure.
Alid